Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software.
Bulls.
BULLS .
in . PERHAPS the best definition of a " bull , " was that given by an Irishman , who , passing through a field of cattle with a friend , remarked to the latter , "When you see a number of cows all lying down , and there ' s one of them standing up , sure that ' s a bull . " Bulls from Westminster . —Mr . Reynolds , once member for Dublin , said arnidot great laughter , that " Cardinal Wiseman was born of Irish parruts , in Seville , Spain , he lived there until he was seven years old , and after that visited his own native county of Waterford . "
The Right Hon . Joseph Chamberlain once declared that during the angriest moments of an exciting Parliamentary debate ho is able to keep as cool as a cucumber . But one night ( July 1893 ) , on arriving at the House to find hon . members discussing the manner in which he coquetted with the Irish party in the days that are passed , he was momentarily disconcerted , otherwise he would hardly have begun his speech with the following delightful bull : — " I have not been in the House long enough to have heard what has taken place in my absence . "
Mr . W . Field , the Irish M . P . ( St . Patrick ' s , Dublin ) , is said to be not only a picturesque figure in the House of Commons , but an excellent hand at bulls . A short time ago ( June 189 G ) he said , " The population of Ireland has been decimated under English rule to the extent of two-thirds . " He is also author of the following solecism : — " The time has come , and is rapidly arriving . "
A Home Rule Senator once asserted in the House of Commons that in the county which he had the honour to represent , the Quarter Sessions were held once a month .
Proud of it . —An Irishman at a temperance meeting very boastingly referred to his standing in society , and said that " he had been a working man ever since he was born . " Accounting for the Mortality . —It was an Irish coroner who , when asked how he accounted for the extraordinary mortality in Limerick , replied sadly , " I cannot tell , it must be that there are people dying this year who never died before . "
Posthumous Works . —An Irish student was once asked what was meant by posthumous works . " They are such works , " answered he , " as a man writes after he is dead . " Quite Time . —I cannot say whether the following bull is really an Irish one , having seen it under more than one guise . My authority , however , claims for it an Irish extraction , although I have more than once
heard the late Rev . William Gaskell ( husband of the famous Manchester authoress ) , assert that the incident really occurred during the Chartist Riots . A poor Irish peasant was floundering through a bog on a small pony . In its efforts to push on , the animal got one of its feet entangled in the stirrup , " Arrah , my boy ! " exclaimed the rider , " if you are going to get up that way , it ' s time for me to get down this , " and immediately dismounted .
Who put it in ?—A rich bull is recorded of an Irishman at cards , who , on inspecting the pool , found it deficient . " Here is a shilling short , " said he , " who put it in ? " A vain search . —It was an Irishman who wanted to find the place where there was no death , so that he might go and end his days there .
Blaming his Physician . —You may have heard the story of an Irishman who nearly died , according to his own account , through the treatment of his physician , who , he declares , " drenched him so with drugs during his illness , that he was sick for a long time after he got well . " An Irishman ' s Invective . —A son of Erin , having quarrelled with another , left him with this vicious remark , — " Ye spalpeen , may ye niver be where I heartily wish ye I "
Steele ' s Bull . —Perhaps one of the best known , but at the same time one of the richest specimens of a " rale Irish bull , " which has ever fallen under my notice , was perpetrated by the clever and witty , but blundering Irish knight , Sir Richard Steele , when inviting a certain English nobleman to visit him . " If , sir , " said the knight , " you ever come within a mile of my house , I hope you'll stop there . "
His Reason for Leaving . —An Irish gentleman visiting some friends , was received with so much hospitality , and drank so very hard , that he departed in a shorter period than was expected or desired ; and when asked the reason , very gravely remarked , that " he liked the company so very much , and ate and drank so incessantly of what they had so lavishly provided , that he was sure , if he had lived there a month longer , he would have died in a fortnight . "
Irish Duelists . —An Irishman challenged a gentleman to fight a duel . The latter , who somehow forgot to attend the appointment , met accidentally that same day the offended party , who thus addressed him : — " Well , sir , I met you this morning , but you did not come ; however , I am determined to meet you to-morrow morning whether you come or not . " We wonder if the gentleman who displayed such a reluctance to be present was the same who declared " he would not fight a duel , because he was unwilling to leave his old mother au orphan . "
The Rear in the Front . —An old lady vvas one day walking along a country-road , as quietly as any old lady could walk , when suddenly her indignation was aroused , on beholding the untidy abode of a small Irish farmer , who chose to have his office-houses , cesspool , and dunghill right in front of his dwelling-house , whereupon the old lady exclaimed : — " Dear me , dear me , how I do hate to see a house with its rear in the front . "
Acknowledging a compliment . —On another occasion , when acknowledging some handsome compliments paid her by a young Englishwoman , this same lady exclaimed , " Ah I my dear Lizzie , how kind of you to think so highly of me as you do 1 How different you are from other illnatured girls I know ! "
Where was the Bull?— "As I was going over the bridge the other day , " said a native of Erin , " I mot Pat Hewins . ' Hewins , ' says I , ' how are you ? ' 'Pretty well , thank you , Donnelly , ' says he . 'Donnelly , ' says I , 'that ' s not my name . ' 'Faith , then , no more is mine Hewins . ' So with that we looked at aich other again , an' sure enough it was nayther of us . And where is the bull in that now ? "
Providence and another Woman . —It must have been a twin-sister of this gentleman who , having been nearly drowned by falling into a well , committed a very rich bull when she piously and thankfully declared that " only for Providence and another woman , she never would have got out . "
Bulls.
A Soldier ' s Bull . —At Waterloo , a Highland regiment and the Scots Greys met in the thickest of the fight , and raised the cry of " Scotland for ever I " An Irish dragoon who was present , fired by the same enthusiasm shouted , " And ould Ireland for longer ! " ' A Sailor ' s Bull—That was a very funny remark of the sailor who tired of coiling a very long rope , said , " O , hang it , they have cut the end off I" and for humour was closely allied to that of the Irishman who observed that " he had reached fourteen years of age before he was in his native land . "
Contradictory . —A veteran Irish sergeant was giving evidence against a private , who had been confined for being drunk on sentry . " This man " deponed the sergeant , " was on his post quite motionless and spacheless with drink . He didn't challenge , but was reelin' about with his eyes shut , and lookin' straight in front of him , and when I spoke to him , sir , he used very insubordinate language . "
An Officer's Commands . —An Irish officer , giving orders to a sentinel commanded him " not to stir a foot , but walk up and down , and see what he could hear . " Method for Expediting Business . —An opposition member of the Irish Parliament had appointed a day for a popular motion on some national subject , and for nearly a month was daily moving for official documents as materials for illustrating his observations . When the night for the discussion
arrived , those documents appeared piled upon the table of the House in voluminous array ; and the orator , preparatory to his opening speech , moved that they be now read by the clerk , in order the better to prepare the House for more clearly understanding the observations he was about to submit . Several members observed that the reading would occupy the whole ni ght
while others shrunk silently away , unwilling to abide so formidable a trial of their patience Sir Boyle Roche , however , hit upon a happy expedient for obviating the difficulty , by suggesting that " a dozen or two of committee clerks might be called in , and each taking a portion of the documents , all might be read together , by which means they could get through the whole in a quarter of an hour . "
This suggestion , offered with profound gravity , was so highly ludicrous , that the House joined in an universal laugh , and the question was actuall y postponed for the night , to give time for the mover to form a more succinct arrangement for introducing his motion . " Book of Rarities , " by Edward Roberts P . M
Ad01203
The Freemason ' s Chronicle . A Weekly Record of Masonic Intelligence . — : o : — Published every Saturday , Price 3 d . — : o : — THE FREEMASON'S CHRONICLE will be forwarded direct from the Office , Fleet Works , Bulwer Road , New Barnet , on receipt of remittance for the amount . The Terms of Subscription ( payable in advance ) are—Twelve Months , post free ... ... JE 0 13 6 Postal Order to be made payable to W . W . MORGAN , at the New Barnet Office . Cheques crossed "London and South Western Bank . " Scale of Charges for Advertisements . Per Page ... ... £ 10 10 0 Births , Marriages , and Deaths , Is per line . General Advertisements , Trade Announcements , & c , narrow columns , 5 B per inch . News column Advertisements Is per line . Special terms for a series of insertions or special positions on application .
Ad01204
OLD Books and Curiosities relating to Freemasonry , Knights Templars , Rosicrucians or other Secret Societies wanted . Address , W . W . Morgan , New Barnet .
The Theatres, &C.
The Theatres , & c .
G lobe . —8 , The Journey ' s End . 9 , Charley's Aunt . Matinee , Wednesday , 3 . Gaiety . —8 * 15 , My Girl . Matinee , Saturday , 2 * 30 . Adelphi . —8 , Boys Together . Avenue . —815 , Monte Carlo . Matinee , Saturday , 2 * 30 . Shaftesbury . —8 , The Little Genius . 10 * 30 , La Goulue . Duke of York ' s . —8 , The Gay Parisienne . Matinee , Saturday , 2 * 30 . Lyric—8 * 15 , The Sign of the Cross . Matinee , Wednesday and Saturday , 2 * 30 .
Savoy . —7 * 30 , Weather or No . 8 * 30 , The Mikado . Matinee , Saturday , 2 * 30 . Comedy . —Closed until 24 th September . Criterion . —8 * 15 , Outward Bound . 8 * 45 , A Blind Marriage . Matinee , Saturday , 2 * 30 . Terry's . —8 * 15 , The Man in the Street . 8 * 50 , My Artful Valet . Matinee , to-day and Wednesday , 3 . Opera Comique . —8 , Newmarket . Matinee , Wednesday , 2 .
Garrick . —On Tuesday , Lord Tom Noddy . Daly's . —8 * 15 , The Geisha ; A story of a Tea House . Matinee , Saturday , 2 * 30 . Vaudeville . —8 * 15 , Papa ' s wife . 9 , A night out . Matinee , Wednesday , 3 . Egyptian Hall . —3 and 8 , Mr . J . N . Maskelyne ' s entertainment . Princess ' s . —8 , In sight of St . Paul ' s . Parkhurst . —Popular companies and newest pieces , changed weekly . Alhambra . —7 * 45 , Variety Entertainment . 8 * 15 , Irish Ballet Divertissement .
10 , Rip Van Winkle . 9 * 30 , The Ammatographe . Empire . —7 * 40 , Variety Entertainment . New Ballet Divertissement , La Danse . Cinematographe . Second edition of Faust . Palace . —8 * 0 , Variety Entertainment , Tableaux Vivants , & c . Royal . —7 * 30 , Variety Company . Saturday , 2 * 30 . Oxford . —7 * 30 , Variety Entertainment . Matinee , Saturday , 2 * 30 .
Olympia . —Grand Pleasure Gardens . Variety Concerts , & c . Crystal Palace . —Varied attractions daily . Varieties , & c . Royal Aquarium . —Open at 10 ; close at 11 * 30 , Constant Amusement . Tivoli . —7 * 30 , Variety Entertainment . Saturday , 2-30 also . Mohawk Minstrels . —( Agricultural Hall . )—Daily . Madame Tussaud ' s ( Baker Street ) . —Open daily
Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software.
Bulls.
BULLS .
in . PERHAPS the best definition of a " bull , " was that given by an Irishman , who , passing through a field of cattle with a friend , remarked to the latter , "When you see a number of cows all lying down , and there ' s one of them standing up , sure that ' s a bull . " Bulls from Westminster . —Mr . Reynolds , once member for Dublin , said arnidot great laughter , that " Cardinal Wiseman was born of Irish parruts , in Seville , Spain , he lived there until he was seven years old , and after that visited his own native county of Waterford . "
The Right Hon . Joseph Chamberlain once declared that during the angriest moments of an exciting Parliamentary debate ho is able to keep as cool as a cucumber . But one night ( July 1893 ) , on arriving at the House to find hon . members discussing the manner in which he coquetted with the Irish party in the days that are passed , he was momentarily disconcerted , otherwise he would hardly have begun his speech with the following delightful bull : — " I have not been in the House long enough to have heard what has taken place in my absence . "
Mr . W . Field , the Irish M . P . ( St . Patrick ' s , Dublin ) , is said to be not only a picturesque figure in the House of Commons , but an excellent hand at bulls . A short time ago ( June 189 G ) he said , " The population of Ireland has been decimated under English rule to the extent of two-thirds . " He is also author of the following solecism : — " The time has come , and is rapidly arriving . "
A Home Rule Senator once asserted in the House of Commons that in the county which he had the honour to represent , the Quarter Sessions were held once a month .
Proud of it . —An Irishman at a temperance meeting very boastingly referred to his standing in society , and said that " he had been a working man ever since he was born . " Accounting for the Mortality . —It was an Irish coroner who , when asked how he accounted for the extraordinary mortality in Limerick , replied sadly , " I cannot tell , it must be that there are people dying this year who never died before . "
Posthumous Works . —An Irish student was once asked what was meant by posthumous works . " They are such works , " answered he , " as a man writes after he is dead . " Quite Time . —I cannot say whether the following bull is really an Irish one , having seen it under more than one guise . My authority , however , claims for it an Irish extraction , although I have more than once
heard the late Rev . William Gaskell ( husband of the famous Manchester authoress ) , assert that the incident really occurred during the Chartist Riots . A poor Irish peasant was floundering through a bog on a small pony . In its efforts to push on , the animal got one of its feet entangled in the stirrup , " Arrah , my boy ! " exclaimed the rider , " if you are going to get up that way , it ' s time for me to get down this , " and immediately dismounted .
Who put it in ?—A rich bull is recorded of an Irishman at cards , who , on inspecting the pool , found it deficient . " Here is a shilling short , " said he , " who put it in ? " A vain search . —It was an Irishman who wanted to find the place where there was no death , so that he might go and end his days there .
Blaming his Physician . —You may have heard the story of an Irishman who nearly died , according to his own account , through the treatment of his physician , who , he declares , " drenched him so with drugs during his illness , that he was sick for a long time after he got well . " An Irishman ' s Invective . —A son of Erin , having quarrelled with another , left him with this vicious remark , — " Ye spalpeen , may ye niver be where I heartily wish ye I "
Steele ' s Bull . —Perhaps one of the best known , but at the same time one of the richest specimens of a " rale Irish bull , " which has ever fallen under my notice , was perpetrated by the clever and witty , but blundering Irish knight , Sir Richard Steele , when inviting a certain English nobleman to visit him . " If , sir , " said the knight , " you ever come within a mile of my house , I hope you'll stop there . "
His Reason for Leaving . —An Irish gentleman visiting some friends , was received with so much hospitality , and drank so very hard , that he departed in a shorter period than was expected or desired ; and when asked the reason , very gravely remarked , that " he liked the company so very much , and ate and drank so incessantly of what they had so lavishly provided , that he was sure , if he had lived there a month longer , he would have died in a fortnight . "
Irish Duelists . —An Irishman challenged a gentleman to fight a duel . The latter , who somehow forgot to attend the appointment , met accidentally that same day the offended party , who thus addressed him : — " Well , sir , I met you this morning , but you did not come ; however , I am determined to meet you to-morrow morning whether you come or not . " We wonder if the gentleman who displayed such a reluctance to be present was the same who declared " he would not fight a duel , because he was unwilling to leave his old mother au orphan . "
The Rear in the Front . —An old lady vvas one day walking along a country-road , as quietly as any old lady could walk , when suddenly her indignation was aroused , on beholding the untidy abode of a small Irish farmer , who chose to have his office-houses , cesspool , and dunghill right in front of his dwelling-house , whereupon the old lady exclaimed : — " Dear me , dear me , how I do hate to see a house with its rear in the front . "
Acknowledging a compliment . —On another occasion , when acknowledging some handsome compliments paid her by a young Englishwoman , this same lady exclaimed , " Ah I my dear Lizzie , how kind of you to think so highly of me as you do 1 How different you are from other illnatured girls I know ! "
Where was the Bull?— "As I was going over the bridge the other day , " said a native of Erin , " I mot Pat Hewins . ' Hewins , ' says I , ' how are you ? ' 'Pretty well , thank you , Donnelly , ' says he . 'Donnelly , ' says I , 'that ' s not my name . ' 'Faith , then , no more is mine Hewins . ' So with that we looked at aich other again , an' sure enough it was nayther of us . And where is the bull in that now ? "
Providence and another Woman . —It must have been a twin-sister of this gentleman who , having been nearly drowned by falling into a well , committed a very rich bull when she piously and thankfully declared that " only for Providence and another woman , she never would have got out . "
Bulls.
A Soldier ' s Bull . —At Waterloo , a Highland regiment and the Scots Greys met in the thickest of the fight , and raised the cry of " Scotland for ever I " An Irish dragoon who was present , fired by the same enthusiasm shouted , " And ould Ireland for longer ! " ' A Sailor ' s Bull—That was a very funny remark of the sailor who tired of coiling a very long rope , said , " O , hang it , they have cut the end off I" and for humour was closely allied to that of the Irishman who observed that " he had reached fourteen years of age before he was in his native land . "
Contradictory . —A veteran Irish sergeant was giving evidence against a private , who had been confined for being drunk on sentry . " This man " deponed the sergeant , " was on his post quite motionless and spacheless with drink . He didn't challenge , but was reelin' about with his eyes shut , and lookin' straight in front of him , and when I spoke to him , sir , he used very insubordinate language . "
An Officer's Commands . —An Irish officer , giving orders to a sentinel commanded him " not to stir a foot , but walk up and down , and see what he could hear . " Method for Expediting Business . —An opposition member of the Irish Parliament had appointed a day for a popular motion on some national subject , and for nearly a month was daily moving for official documents as materials for illustrating his observations . When the night for the discussion
arrived , those documents appeared piled upon the table of the House in voluminous array ; and the orator , preparatory to his opening speech , moved that they be now read by the clerk , in order the better to prepare the House for more clearly understanding the observations he was about to submit . Several members observed that the reading would occupy the whole ni ght
while others shrunk silently away , unwilling to abide so formidable a trial of their patience Sir Boyle Roche , however , hit upon a happy expedient for obviating the difficulty , by suggesting that " a dozen or two of committee clerks might be called in , and each taking a portion of the documents , all might be read together , by which means they could get through the whole in a quarter of an hour . "
This suggestion , offered with profound gravity , was so highly ludicrous , that the House joined in an universal laugh , and the question was actuall y postponed for the night , to give time for the mover to form a more succinct arrangement for introducing his motion . " Book of Rarities , " by Edward Roberts P . M
Ad01203
The Freemason ' s Chronicle . A Weekly Record of Masonic Intelligence . — : o : — Published every Saturday , Price 3 d . — : o : — THE FREEMASON'S CHRONICLE will be forwarded direct from the Office , Fleet Works , Bulwer Road , New Barnet , on receipt of remittance for the amount . The Terms of Subscription ( payable in advance ) are—Twelve Months , post free ... ... JE 0 13 6 Postal Order to be made payable to W . W . MORGAN , at the New Barnet Office . Cheques crossed "London and South Western Bank . " Scale of Charges for Advertisements . Per Page ... ... £ 10 10 0 Births , Marriages , and Deaths , Is per line . General Advertisements , Trade Announcements , & c , narrow columns , 5 B per inch . News column Advertisements Is per line . Special terms for a series of insertions or special positions on application .
Ad01204
OLD Books and Curiosities relating to Freemasonry , Knights Templars , Rosicrucians or other Secret Societies wanted . Address , W . W . Morgan , New Barnet .
The Theatres, &C.
The Theatres , & c .
G lobe . —8 , The Journey ' s End . 9 , Charley's Aunt . Matinee , Wednesday , 3 . Gaiety . —8 * 15 , My Girl . Matinee , Saturday , 2 * 30 . Adelphi . —8 , Boys Together . Avenue . —815 , Monte Carlo . Matinee , Saturday , 2 * 30 . Shaftesbury . —8 , The Little Genius . 10 * 30 , La Goulue . Duke of York ' s . —8 , The Gay Parisienne . Matinee , Saturday , 2 * 30 . Lyric—8 * 15 , The Sign of the Cross . Matinee , Wednesday and Saturday , 2 * 30 .
Savoy . —7 * 30 , Weather or No . 8 * 30 , The Mikado . Matinee , Saturday , 2 * 30 . Comedy . —Closed until 24 th September . Criterion . —8 * 15 , Outward Bound . 8 * 45 , A Blind Marriage . Matinee , Saturday , 2 * 30 . Terry's . —8 * 15 , The Man in the Street . 8 * 50 , My Artful Valet . Matinee , to-day and Wednesday , 3 . Opera Comique . —8 , Newmarket . Matinee , Wednesday , 2 .
Garrick . —On Tuesday , Lord Tom Noddy . Daly's . —8 * 15 , The Geisha ; A story of a Tea House . Matinee , Saturday , 2 * 30 . Vaudeville . —8 * 15 , Papa ' s wife . 9 , A night out . Matinee , Wednesday , 3 . Egyptian Hall . —3 and 8 , Mr . J . N . Maskelyne ' s entertainment . Princess ' s . —8 , In sight of St . Paul ' s . Parkhurst . —Popular companies and newest pieces , changed weekly . Alhambra . —7 * 45 , Variety Entertainment . 8 * 15 , Irish Ballet Divertissement .
10 , Rip Van Winkle . 9 * 30 , The Ammatographe . Empire . —7 * 40 , Variety Entertainment . New Ballet Divertissement , La Danse . Cinematographe . Second edition of Faust . Palace . —8 * 0 , Variety Entertainment , Tableaux Vivants , & c . Royal . —7 * 30 , Variety Company . Saturday , 2 * 30 . Oxford . —7 * 30 , Variety Entertainment . Matinee , Saturday , 2 * 30 .
Olympia . —Grand Pleasure Gardens . Variety Concerts , & c . Crystal Palace . —Varied attractions daily . Varieties , & c . Royal Aquarium . —Open at 10 ; close at 11 * 30 , Constant Amusement . Tivoli . —7 * 30 , Variety Entertainment . Saturday , 2-30 also . Mohawk Minstrels . —( Agricultural Hall . )—Daily . Madame Tussaud ' s ( Baker Street ) . —Open daily