Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software.
Puns.
his ono good leg for Lord Spindle's two drumsticks ; and although ho might find himself a little awkward at running , yet ho would hop with any man going . " Georgo Column , the younger , facetiously adds , " There is no Shakspeare or Roscius upon record who , like Foote , supported a theatre for a series of years by his own acting , in his own writings , and for ten years of tho time upon a wooden
leg I This prop to his person I once saw standing by his bedside , richly dressed in a handsome silk stocking , with a polished shoo and gold buckle , awaiting the owner's getting up . It had a kind of tragical-comical appearance , aud I leave to inveterate wags the ingenuity of punning upon a Footo in bed and a leg out of it . "
The following very excellent pun has been attributed both to Charles Lamb ( tbe gentle Elia ) , and also to James Smith , one of the authors of " Rejected Addresses , " but the real author is supposed to be a contemporary writer and satirist named Poole . An actor named Priest was playing at one of thc principal theatres . Someone remarked at the Garrick Club that there were a great many in fche pifc . "Yes , " retorted Poole , " probably clerks who have taken Priest ' s orders . "
Hero is an instance of stammering wit by Charles Lamb , who unfortunately suffered a defect in his speech . The occasion which called it forth was a relation of the fact that the Duke of Cumberland , anxious to receive his son in state , coldly restained the duchess from rushing forward to embrace him , although he had been absent for a considerable timo . " How horribly cold ifc was , " said the narrator . " Yes " was the reply of Lamb , " but you know he is the Duke of Cu-cum-ber-land . "
Tom Hood has well earned the title of " The Princo of British Punsters . " In characterising himself , he says : — " I was forced to make broad grins under narrow circumstances , and be a lively Hood for a livelihood . " A very good example of Hood ' s pathetic pun is that in the sentence where ho describes autumn as " tho book of Nature getting shorfc of leaves . "
Theodore Hook was a punster who lived contemporaneously with Hood , and a writer who has been placed next to him in point of merit . "But his puns , compared to those of Hood , " says a critic , " possess less of tho sparkle of wit and more of the laborious thoughtfulness of humour . " Other punsters of the same period were Brinsley Sheridan , Douglas Jerrold , and Leigh Hunt .
Theodore Hook in his " Chapter on Puns , " says : — " If a man is pathetically describing the funeral of his mother , or sister , or wife , it is quite allowable to call it a black-bur ) ing party , or to talk of a fit of coffin ; a weeping relative struggling to conceal his grief may be likened to a commander of private tears ; throw in a jcke about the phrase of funerals performed , and a re-hearsal ; and wind up
with the anagram real fun—funeral . If you aro told that a dear friend has lost his sight , observe that it will make him more hospitable than ever , since now he will be glad to see anybody . If a clergyman breaks his leg , remark that he is no longer a clergyman , but a lame man ( layman ) . A man falling into a tan pifc you will call' sinking in the sub-lime ; ' a climbing boy meets with a sootable
death ; and a pretty girl having caught the small pox is much to be pitted . The loss of a hat is always , felfc ; if you don't like sugar you can lump it ; a glazier is a panes-taking man ; candles are burnt because wick-ed things come to light ; a lady who takes you homo from a party is kind in her carriage ; when a man is dull ho
goes to Brighton ; the greatest fibber is the most to bo re-lied upon ; a dean expecting a bishopric looks for lawn ; a butcher is a gross man , but a fig-seller is a grocer ; Joshua never had a father or mother because he was thc son of Nun ; and your grandmother , and your great-grandmother were jour aunt's sisters ( ancestors ) .
One of the best examp ' es of Sheridan's puns is that perpetratrd when he was asked to pay at least fche interest on , if nofc the principal of , a long over-due tailor ' s bill . " It is neither my principle to pay the interest , nor my inti rest to pay the principal . " Again , on entering a Committee room , and finding every seat occupied , he said , " Will any one move that I may take a chair ?"
A person was complaining bitterly to Douglas Jerrold about a friend who owed him money , and would not pay , though often written to for it . "Do you call that kindness ? " ho asked . " Yes I do , " said Jerrold , " unremitting kindness . " On a pretty girl saying to Leigh Hunt , "I am very sad , you see , " he punningly retorted , " Oh no , jou belong to the other Jewish sect—you are very fair I see !"
A certain passenger fell asleep in a train , and was carried a few miles beyond his destination before he awoke . " Pretty good joke on you wasn't it ? " asked a friend . " Rather too far-fetched , " was the reply . " One of the wittiest puns on record , '' writes Mr . C J . Dunphic ,
" is that which my friend Greenwood Brown made when the collector called upon him for the water rate . " " My good friend , " said Greenwood , " I have already paid it , and here is your own receipt , " " 0 , " said the officer , " I am very sorry that I did not recollect it . " " No doubt you are very sorry indeed that you did not re-collect it , " retorted Brown .
A gentleman showing a fnend his portrait admirably done by the photographic process , "It ' s all very well , " said his friend , returning it to him , " but the fact is , I hate the style altogether . " " And why , my good sir ? " "Because , " was the reply , " it is a foe to graphic art . "
Archbishop Whately asked a young clergyman whom he was examining , to explain the difference between form and ceremony . Various answers were given , none of them satisfactory . " Well , " said the archbishop , " the difference lies in this : you sit upon a form , but you stand upon ceremony . " Tho sect bearine the name of the " Tractarians" once had
another title which the Rev . Sydney Smith is the author of . The presiding deities of the Oxford Tract-schism were the late Cardinal Newman , and Dr . Pusey ( Regius Professor of Hebrew in Oxford ) , and tho witty divine applied to them the punning title " Newmania . " From the fact thafc they issued ninety tracts , they also received tlie name " Nonagenarians " bufc the public discerning that the learned doctor was " thc head and front of the offending , "
Puns.
applied the term " Puseyism " to the new doctrine , by which it has since been universally designate 1 . The following linos from " The Newmauia , or Puseyism , " hit off tho idea in a very admirab'o manner : —
" Nowmania ' . -name from Reverend Sydney hcard-To him be thanks for giving us the woid—¦ The pun to Europe ' s lost , but not tho schism ; To all but Britain 'tis plain Puseyism Nonagenarians ye ! whose words and acts Are mystified by ninety Oxford Tracts . "
Tho celebrated divine just referred to , contended that " tho essence of every species of wit is surprise , " with which sentiment Sir Jonah Barrington was not in accord . Onco , on examining some now flowers in a garden , a beautiful
girl , who was one of tho party , exclaimed : — " Oh , Mr . Smith , th s pea will never come to perfection ! " " Permit me , then " replied the Rov . Sydney , gently taking her hand and walking towards the plant , " to lead perfection to tho pea . " " Book of Rarities , " by BRO . EDWARD ROBERTS P . M . Asst . P . G . T .
Sheffield Masonic Amateur Dramatic Society.
SHEFFIELD MASONIC AMATEUR DRAMATIC SOCIETY .
11 HE present season of the Masonic Amateurs has been marked , says tho " Sheffield Daily Telegraph , " by more ambitious attempts in tho dramatic lino , and so far tho members of tho society have proved to tho full their ability to produce the plays they have placed before their patrons . The pieces recently given
were well staged under the direction of Bro . F . R . Booth , who officiated whilo another Brother was on tho stage . Bro . D . Flather and Mr . Reginald Webster officiated as property managers ; Bros . J . B . Wostenholm , A . E . Kirkham , W . T . Flather and F . R . Booth ( lion , sec . ) as prompters . Tho orchestra , under the conduct of Bro . S . Suckloy , gave an appropiate selection of music .
King Humbert And The Freemasons.
KING HUMBERT AND THE FREEMASONS .
• • rpHE Devil in the Nineteenth Century" is the title of a J _ monthly review printed in Paris . Ifc devotes its pages exclusively to Freemasonry and tho doings of the devil in secret societies . All the weird vagaries of spiritualism are analysed under a Catholic microscope , and the only fact revealed seems to be the enormous proportions of the cloven foot . The January number
contains an interesting question : "Is Humbert , King of Italy , a Freemason ? " His Prime Minister , Crispi , is a high light in the order ; Sonnino , Finance Minister , is an Israelite , and more than 300 deputies belong to the Masonic rite . That Italy is in the claws of the secret society everyone knows , bufc the position of Humbert with regard to this organisation has been kept dark .
Catholics are interested m the question . They know thafc Humbert is Chief Gaoler of thc Head of the Church ; that he occupies an apostolic palace with his wife and dependents ; thafc he is excommunicate , debarred tbe sacraments and on the high road to eternal misery . But still a thread of compassion courses through their veins when they see his haggard look , and premature white
hairs , and hope thafc his heaifc is nut in the diabolical work . Poor Humbert is styled King of Italy , but he is a mere machine . His master and ruler is one Adrian Lemmi , a gaol bird once , now the Grand Master of Masonry throughout tho world . Now he rules supreme in the Palace of Borghese in Rome . Humbert has about thirty millions of nominal subjects , while Lemmi has 21 , 861 , 784
subject Masons under his orders . Humbert is one of them . The House of Savoy has had a long roll of noblo and saintly names , but the escutcheon is blurred . One Amadeus of Savoy , an ancestor of Humbert , started as untipope in 1440 , and persevered in schism and sacrilege for nine years . At the end of that time the gnawings of conscience mado themselves felt , and Amadeus withdrew
Humbert has followed in his footsteps , has set himself up for Pope and wrought havoc in the fold . But even if he would he cannot withdraw . Lemmi is his master . For appearance sake the King of Italy must bo the protector , the guardian of Catholic interests , while in reality he is but a tool in the devil ' s hands for rapine and death . lhe following is an authentic copy of a secret message
sent to the Freemason Lodges of Italy in 1885 by Grand Master Riboli ( now retired in Turin with the honorary title of Sovereign Grand-Commander for life ) , to announce the election of King Humbert and his brother , the Duke of Aosta , to the Supreme Council of the Scotch rite in Spain , the 18 ch March 1885 . It contains a special recommendation that thc fact should bo kept from fche knowledge of the profane .
( We gave a reprint of tlie document , from the " Tablet , " in a recent issue ) . This document proves conclusively that Humbert is a sworn member of the secret society , thafc he has attained the grade of 33 and is now a supreme council magnate . By the good will of the Masons ho is where he is , and will remain there at their pleasure He is useful to them . Through him Finance Minister Grimaldl
paid Lemmi out of the public treasury six hundre d thousand franca last September to obtain thc Borghese palace and pay the expenses of 77 delegates who came to Rome to elect him Grand Master . Carducci was a rival ; his hymn to Satan has made him popular with the sect , but the Roman bank bribed him with many millions to lot Lemmi win . Satan the poet gave way , while Satan of tobacco notoriety smokes on high . — Catlro'ic Times .
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BOOKBINDING in all its branches . Price list on application . Morgan , Fleet Works , Bulwer Road , New Barnet .
Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software.
Puns.
his ono good leg for Lord Spindle's two drumsticks ; and although ho might find himself a little awkward at running , yet ho would hop with any man going . " Georgo Column , the younger , facetiously adds , " There is no Shakspeare or Roscius upon record who , like Foote , supported a theatre for a series of years by his own acting , in his own writings , and for ten years of tho time upon a wooden
leg I This prop to his person I once saw standing by his bedside , richly dressed in a handsome silk stocking , with a polished shoo and gold buckle , awaiting the owner's getting up . It had a kind of tragical-comical appearance , aud I leave to inveterate wags the ingenuity of punning upon a Footo in bed and a leg out of it . "
The following very excellent pun has been attributed both to Charles Lamb ( tbe gentle Elia ) , and also to James Smith , one of the authors of " Rejected Addresses , " but the real author is supposed to be a contemporary writer and satirist named Poole . An actor named Priest was playing at one of thc principal theatres . Someone remarked at the Garrick Club that there were a great many in fche pifc . "Yes , " retorted Poole , " probably clerks who have taken Priest ' s orders . "
Hero is an instance of stammering wit by Charles Lamb , who unfortunately suffered a defect in his speech . The occasion which called it forth was a relation of the fact that the Duke of Cumberland , anxious to receive his son in state , coldly restained the duchess from rushing forward to embrace him , although he had been absent for a considerable timo . " How horribly cold ifc was , " said the narrator . " Yes " was the reply of Lamb , " but you know he is the Duke of Cu-cum-ber-land . "
Tom Hood has well earned the title of " The Princo of British Punsters . " In characterising himself , he says : — " I was forced to make broad grins under narrow circumstances , and be a lively Hood for a livelihood . " A very good example of Hood ' s pathetic pun is that in the sentence where ho describes autumn as " tho book of Nature getting shorfc of leaves . "
Theodore Hook was a punster who lived contemporaneously with Hood , and a writer who has been placed next to him in point of merit . "But his puns , compared to those of Hood , " says a critic , " possess less of tho sparkle of wit and more of the laborious thoughtfulness of humour . " Other punsters of the same period were Brinsley Sheridan , Douglas Jerrold , and Leigh Hunt .
Theodore Hook in his " Chapter on Puns , " says : — " If a man is pathetically describing the funeral of his mother , or sister , or wife , it is quite allowable to call it a black-bur ) ing party , or to talk of a fit of coffin ; a weeping relative struggling to conceal his grief may be likened to a commander of private tears ; throw in a jcke about the phrase of funerals performed , and a re-hearsal ; and wind up
with the anagram real fun—funeral . If you aro told that a dear friend has lost his sight , observe that it will make him more hospitable than ever , since now he will be glad to see anybody . If a clergyman breaks his leg , remark that he is no longer a clergyman , but a lame man ( layman ) . A man falling into a tan pifc you will call' sinking in the sub-lime ; ' a climbing boy meets with a sootable
death ; and a pretty girl having caught the small pox is much to be pitted . The loss of a hat is always , felfc ; if you don't like sugar you can lump it ; a glazier is a panes-taking man ; candles are burnt because wick-ed things come to light ; a lady who takes you homo from a party is kind in her carriage ; when a man is dull ho
goes to Brighton ; the greatest fibber is the most to bo re-lied upon ; a dean expecting a bishopric looks for lawn ; a butcher is a gross man , but a fig-seller is a grocer ; Joshua never had a father or mother because he was thc son of Nun ; and your grandmother , and your great-grandmother were jour aunt's sisters ( ancestors ) .
One of the best examp ' es of Sheridan's puns is that perpetratrd when he was asked to pay at least fche interest on , if nofc the principal of , a long over-due tailor ' s bill . " It is neither my principle to pay the interest , nor my inti rest to pay the principal . " Again , on entering a Committee room , and finding every seat occupied , he said , " Will any one move that I may take a chair ?"
A person was complaining bitterly to Douglas Jerrold about a friend who owed him money , and would not pay , though often written to for it . "Do you call that kindness ? " ho asked . " Yes I do , " said Jerrold , " unremitting kindness . " On a pretty girl saying to Leigh Hunt , "I am very sad , you see , " he punningly retorted , " Oh no , jou belong to the other Jewish sect—you are very fair I see !"
A certain passenger fell asleep in a train , and was carried a few miles beyond his destination before he awoke . " Pretty good joke on you wasn't it ? " asked a friend . " Rather too far-fetched , " was the reply . " One of the wittiest puns on record , '' writes Mr . C J . Dunphic ,
" is that which my friend Greenwood Brown made when the collector called upon him for the water rate . " " My good friend , " said Greenwood , " I have already paid it , and here is your own receipt , " " 0 , " said the officer , " I am very sorry that I did not recollect it . " " No doubt you are very sorry indeed that you did not re-collect it , " retorted Brown .
A gentleman showing a fnend his portrait admirably done by the photographic process , "It ' s all very well , " said his friend , returning it to him , " but the fact is , I hate the style altogether . " " And why , my good sir ? " "Because , " was the reply , " it is a foe to graphic art . "
Archbishop Whately asked a young clergyman whom he was examining , to explain the difference between form and ceremony . Various answers were given , none of them satisfactory . " Well , " said the archbishop , " the difference lies in this : you sit upon a form , but you stand upon ceremony . " Tho sect bearine the name of the " Tractarians" once had
another title which the Rev . Sydney Smith is the author of . The presiding deities of the Oxford Tract-schism were the late Cardinal Newman , and Dr . Pusey ( Regius Professor of Hebrew in Oxford ) , and tho witty divine applied to them the punning title " Newmania . " From the fact thafc they issued ninety tracts , they also received tlie name " Nonagenarians " bufc the public discerning that the learned doctor was " thc head and front of the offending , "
Puns.
applied the term " Puseyism " to the new doctrine , by which it has since been universally designate 1 . The following linos from " The Newmauia , or Puseyism , " hit off tho idea in a very admirab'o manner : —
" Nowmania ' . -name from Reverend Sydney hcard-To him be thanks for giving us the woid—¦ The pun to Europe ' s lost , but not tho schism ; To all but Britain 'tis plain Puseyism Nonagenarians ye ! whose words and acts Are mystified by ninety Oxford Tracts . "
Tho celebrated divine just referred to , contended that " tho essence of every species of wit is surprise , " with which sentiment Sir Jonah Barrington was not in accord . Onco , on examining some now flowers in a garden , a beautiful
girl , who was one of tho party , exclaimed : — " Oh , Mr . Smith , th s pea will never come to perfection ! " " Permit me , then " replied the Rov . Sydney , gently taking her hand and walking towards the plant , " to lead perfection to tho pea . " " Book of Rarities , " by BRO . EDWARD ROBERTS P . M . Asst . P . G . T .
Sheffield Masonic Amateur Dramatic Society.
SHEFFIELD MASONIC AMATEUR DRAMATIC SOCIETY .
11 HE present season of the Masonic Amateurs has been marked , says tho " Sheffield Daily Telegraph , " by more ambitious attempts in tho dramatic lino , and so far tho members of tho society have proved to tho full their ability to produce the plays they have placed before their patrons . The pieces recently given
were well staged under the direction of Bro . F . R . Booth , who officiated whilo another Brother was on tho stage . Bro . D . Flather and Mr . Reginald Webster officiated as property managers ; Bros . J . B . Wostenholm , A . E . Kirkham , W . T . Flather and F . R . Booth ( lion , sec . ) as prompters . Tho orchestra , under the conduct of Bro . S . Suckloy , gave an appropiate selection of music .
King Humbert And The Freemasons.
KING HUMBERT AND THE FREEMASONS .
• • rpHE Devil in the Nineteenth Century" is the title of a J _ monthly review printed in Paris . Ifc devotes its pages exclusively to Freemasonry and tho doings of the devil in secret societies . All the weird vagaries of spiritualism are analysed under a Catholic microscope , and the only fact revealed seems to be the enormous proportions of the cloven foot . The January number
contains an interesting question : "Is Humbert , King of Italy , a Freemason ? " His Prime Minister , Crispi , is a high light in the order ; Sonnino , Finance Minister , is an Israelite , and more than 300 deputies belong to the Masonic rite . That Italy is in the claws of the secret society everyone knows , bufc the position of Humbert with regard to this organisation has been kept dark .
Catholics are interested m the question . They know thafc Humbert is Chief Gaoler of thc Head of the Church ; that he occupies an apostolic palace with his wife and dependents ; thafc he is excommunicate , debarred tbe sacraments and on the high road to eternal misery . But still a thread of compassion courses through their veins when they see his haggard look , and premature white
hairs , and hope thafc his heaifc is nut in the diabolical work . Poor Humbert is styled King of Italy , but he is a mere machine . His master and ruler is one Adrian Lemmi , a gaol bird once , now the Grand Master of Masonry throughout tho world . Now he rules supreme in the Palace of Borghese in Rome . Humbert has about thirty millions of nominal subjects , while Lemmi has 21 , 861 , 784
subject Masons under his orders . Humbert is one of them . The House of Savoy has had a long roll of noblo and saintly names , but the escutcheon is blurred . One Amadeus of Savoy , an ancestor of Humbert , started as untipope in 1440 , and persevered in schism and sacrilege for nine years . At the end of that time the gnawings of conscience mado themselves felt , and Amadeus withdrew
Humbert has followed in his footsteps , has set himself up for Pope and wrought havoc in the fold . But even if he would he cannot withdraw . Lemmi is his master . For appearance sake the King of Italy must bo the protector , the guardian of Catholic interests , while in reality he is but a tool in the devil ' s hands for rapine and death . lhe following is an authentic copy of a secret message
sent to the Freemason Lodges of Italy in 1885 by Grand Master Riboli ( now retired in Turin with the honorary title of Sovereign Grand-Commander for life ) , to announce the election of King Humbert and his brother , the Duke of Aosta , to the Supreme Council of the Scotch rite in Spain , the 18 ch March 1885 . It contains a special recommendation that thc fact should bo kept from fche knowledge of the profane .
( We gave a reprint of tlie document , from the " Tablet , " in a recent issue ) . This document proves conclusively that Humbert is a sworn member of the secret society , thafc he has attained the grade of 33 and is now a supreme council magnate . By the good will of the Masons ho is where he is , and will remain there at their pleasure He is useful to them . Through him Finance Minister Grimaldl
paid Lemmi out of the public treasury six hundre d thousand franca last September to obtain thc Borghese palace and pay the expenses of 77 delegates who came to Rome to elect him Grand Master . Carducci was a rival ; his hymn to Satan has made him popular with the sect , but the Roman bank bribed him with many millions to lot Lemmi win . Satan the poet gave way , while Satan of tobacco notoriety smokes on high . — Catlro'ic Times .
Ad00804
BOOKBINDING in all its branches . Price list on application . Morgan , Fleet Works , Bulwer Road , New Barnet .