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Article TO THE EDITOR OF THE FREEMASONS' MAGAZINE. ← Page 3 of 4 →
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To The Editor Of The Freemasons' Magazine.
burned his fingers with a hot poker , the doctor assured him that the accident was altogether an illusion ; that fire did not burn , and that he could not feel pain , which was not a substance but a mode ; ergo , not cognizable by the sense of touching . As we were naturally quiet and pacific , and , in truth , over-awed by the enormous size of his pugilistic member , as Well as by his profound
skill in the art of man-slaying , which he did not fail to promulgate , we patiently submitted to the scourge of his impertinence , praying heartily that he might succeed so far in his profession as to become a practising doctor . Sometimes we enjoyed an intermission for half an evening , congratulating ourselves upon the-deliverance , and began to resume our old channel of conversation , when all of a sudden he
would appear like the Gorgon ' s head ; then every countenance fell , and every tongue was silent : his organ forthwith began to play , and nothing was heard but his eternal clapper ; it was no discourse which he uttered , but a kind of talkation ( if I may be allowed the expression ) more dissonant and disagreeable than the glass alarm-bell of a wooden clock , that should ring 24 hours without intermission *
To support ourselves under this perpetual annoyance , we had recourse to an extraordinary pint , and smoked a double proportion of " tobacco ; but these expedients , instead of diminishing , served only to increase the effect of his clamour . Our tempers were gradually soured ; we grew peevish to every body , but particularly sullen and morose to the doctor , who far from perceiving the cause of our disgust , believed himself the object of our esteem and admiration ; he was too much engrossed by his own impertinence to observe the humours of other men .
For three long month ' s did we bear this dreadful visitation ; at length the oldest member , who was indeed the nest egg , died , and the other individuals began to drop off Nothing could be more disagreeable than the situation to which I was now reduced : I was engaged in fatiguing business all day , out of humour all the evening , went home- extremely ruffled , with the head-ach , heart-burn , and
hiccup , and ruminated till morning on my family discomforts . Upon recollecting all these circumstances , I pitied my own condition , and my compassion was soon changed into contempt . This roused my pride ancl resolution ; I determined to turn over a new leaf , and recover the importance I had lost ; I with great difficulty discontinued my attendance at the club , and my absence contributed in a
great measure to its dissolution . The doctor was in a little time obliged to harangue to empty chairs , and the landlord became a bankrupt . Thus was I delivered of the worst of plagues , an impertinent and talkative companion . I have now bid adieu to clubs , and am grown a family man : I see myself beloved by my children , revered by my servants , and respected by my neighbours . Ifiud my expences considerably lessened , my ceconomy improved , my fortune and credit augmented ; and in the fulness of my enjoyaient , I cannot help
Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software.
To The Editor Of The Freemasons' Magazine.
burned his fingers with a hot poker , the doctor assured him that the accident was altogether an illusion ; that fire did not burn , and that he could not feel pain , which was not a substance but a mode ; ergo , not cognizable by the sense of touching . As we were naturally quiet and pacific , and , in truth , over-awed by the enormous size of his pugilistic member , as Well as by his profound
skill in the art of man-slaying , which he did not fail to promulgate , we patiently submitted to the scourge of his impertinence , praying heartily that he might succeed so far in his profession as to become a practising doctor . Sometimes we enjoyed an intermission for half an evening , congratulating ourselves upon the-deliverance , and began to resume our old channel of conversation , when all of a sudden he
would appear like the Gorgon ' s head ; then every countenance fell , and every tongue was silent : his organ forthwith began to play , and nothing was heard but his eternal clapper ; it was no discourse which he uttered , but a kind of talkation ( if I may be allowed the expression ) more dissonant and disagreeable than the glass alarm-bell of a wooden clock , that should ring 24 hours without intermission *
To support ourselves under this perpetual annoyance , we had recourse to an extraordinary pint , and smoked a double proportion of " tobacco ; but these expedients , instead of diminishing , served only to increase the effect of his clamour . Our tempers were gradually soured ; we grew peevish to every body , but particularly sullen and morose to the doctor , who far from perceiving the cause of our disgust , believed himself the object of our esteem and admiration ; he was too much engrossed by his own impertinence to observe the humours of other men .
For three long month ' s did we bear this dreadful visitation ; at length the oldest member , who was indeed the nest egg , died , and the other individuals began to drop off Nothing could be more disagreeable than the situation to which I was now reduced : I was engaged in fatiguing business all day , out of humour all the evening , went home- extremely ruffled , with the head-ach , heart-burn , and
hiccup , and ruminated till morning on my family discomforts . Upon recollecting all these circumstances , I pitied my own condition , and my compassion was soon changed into contempt . This roused my pride ancl resolution ; I determined to turn over a new leaf , and recover the importance I had lost ; I with great difficulty discontinued my attendance at the club , and my absence contributed in a
great measure to its dissolution . The doctor was in a little time obliged to harangue to empty chairs , and the landlord became a bankrupt . Thus was I delivered of the worst of plagues , an impertinent and talkative companion . I have now bid adieu to clubs , and am grown a family man : I see myself beloved by my children , revered by my servants , and respected by my neighbours . Ifiud my expences considerably lessened , my ceconomy improved , my fortune and credit augmented ; and in the fulness of my enjoyaient , I cannot help