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Article Masonic Notes and Queries. ← Page 2 of 2 Article THE MONDE MACONNIQUE FOR AUGUST. Page 1 of 1 Article THE MONDE MACONNIQUE FOR AUGUST. Page 1 of 1 Article THE ROYAL MASONIC PUPILS' ASSISTANCE FUND. Page 1 of 1 Article THE ROYAL MASONIC PUPILS' ASSISTANCE FUND. Page 1 of 1 Article SPECIMENS OF SOCIETY JOURNALS Page 1 of 2 →
Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software.
Masonic Notes And Queries.
Washington . Its charter members were from Lodge 45 , and some of the Eastern lodges . We shall recall the names of a few of the early members of Lodge 54 as an inducement for the present members of our Masonic bodies to imitate their example , as citizens and as Masons . The lod ^ e consisted of such high-minded and honourable men as Dr . Absalom Baird , James Ross , David Reddick , John
j-Iooe , Joseph Ashbrook , David Acheson , John Wilson , John Israel , Joseph Pentecost , Alexander Reed , Thomas H . Baird , and a long list of such honourable worthies , some of whose , descendants are members of the fraternity in this place and are emulating the lives of their ancestors by adhering to the undying principles of Masonry : Pittsburgh , April 2 , iS ; g .
To Bro . Past Master Alfred Creigh , of Washington Lodge , No . 164 , Washington , Penn ' a . Dear Sir and Bro ., —At a stated meeting of Lodge No . 45 , F . and A . Masons , held at Masonic Hall , 5 th Avenue , ViiUburgh , Pa ., on Wednesday evening , March 26 th , 1879 , Bro . George S . Haines , W . M ., of Ionic Lodge , No . 52 ; , in
a few graceful and kindly words presented on your behalf to this lodge a diploma issued to Bro . David Reddick , bearing date June 6 , 1799 . The interest attached to this venerable document is of no ordinary character . Having been granted at a time long prior to the birth of any living member , when not onh this lodge but Masi nry as an Institution was in its
infancy m this locality , anil Lorlge 4 j was the only Masonic body west of the Allegheny Mountains , it is very easy to conceive that a certain value was attached to it then , how much more should we value it now , and how much greater should we prize it , surviving as it has done all the trials and tribulations through which the fraternity has so nobly and so successfully passed .
The splendid state of preservation in which this relic reaches u ? , with the seal uninjured , the parchment scarcely worn , and the writing so clear and distinct that it might have been written to-day , demonstrates how thoroughly well the work was performed in the first place , and specially points out how sacredly it has been guarded through the nearly four-score years of its existence . It thus becomes
a connecting link between the past and the present—the old time and the new—the bridge which spans the dark and troublesome days in Masonic history which so" sorely tried men ' s souls "—and leads us step by step to our present era of peace and prosperity . Next to its value as a Masonic relic and the intimate relation it bears to our lodge , comes its record as a
memento of a past century—of a time that has been ; and in this connection , we can understand how sore a trial it may have been to part with so valuable a treasure , and can admire , whilst scarcely hoping to imitate , the selfdenial practised by one to whom such rare articles are so dear . No poor words of mine can express our appreciation of , and sincere and cordial thanks for , so valuable and interesting an addition to the archives of our lodge .
We shall show our appreciation of this valuable relic —the diploma of a true-hearted Mason—by placing it in a frame worthy of so valuable a donation , and whilst we view its beauties and ponder over the vicissitudes of its strange and long history , wc shall ever respect and admire its generous donor—and thus hand down the gift and the name of the giver to the latest posterity . Yours fraternally ,
FRED . H . LACEY , W . M [ us . ] Attest : D . A . STEVENSON , Sec .
The Monde Maconnique For August.
THE MONDE MACONNIQUE FOR AUGUST .
The " Monde Maconnique " for August gives us some interesting facts , as pointing out clearly the increasing " embroglio" and difficulties of French Freemasonry in the Grand Orient of France . Its friends like to declare
that everything is " couleur de rose , " and that " all is for the best" in this " best , " not of " worlds , " but of " jurisdictions . " Those of us , however , who are behind the s « iv ; s are perfectly well aware that when the tinsel , and the fireworks , and the coloured lights are at an end there remains but a sad " residuum " of doubt and
dissatisfaction , of fear and confusion for French Freemasonry to-day , The " Convent " which is to be held on September 8 th , at Pari ? , df the Grand Orient , having dealt with the usual number of foolish , childish , and impracticable " vceux , " that is , so to say , practical suggestions , or amendments and changes , has two most important matters before it — " the revised rituals , " and the " payments from lodges " to
the Grand Orient . There can be no doubt as to what the report ° / the Council of the Order will be as to the " revised ntu . il , " which " it has , " says Bro . Giimaux , reassuringly placed in harmony with the changes effected in the Constitution . " This act of harmonizing means suppression of the name of God . Bro . Grimaux adds , that the
new ritual is not to be " obligatory , " but that " the lodges "ill always have the liberty of choosing between the new and the old . " Wc shall hope that Bro . Grimaux ' s anticipations may turn out to be correct , that so tolerant a propamine may be realized . But we confess that we have both fears and doubts on the subject . Nothing , alas ! fan now bridge over the chasm between the Grand Lodge u England and the Grand Orient of France , and when
ro c <> usin tells an English brother , as we read in a recent " Bulletin du Grand Orient , " that the divergence '¦ tween the two bodie-s arises from a " mal cntendu , " u mistake , " we only wonder what he means , and ask if "f ' o " ar ? Veally " worJs" " fac's" are really acts ? " or if there be not a Masonic as well as a Jesuit is " . ural "sc of words ? But when the changed ritual ¦ A a " accom P ' " we ought not to hear anything more ma ! encendet" at any rate , and we feel sure that Bro .
The Monde Maconnique For August.
Caubet is too honest to accept any such position or state of the case . We have not always been " in accord " with Bro . Caubet , as our readers know , but we have always done justice to his sincerity . We honestly disagree , and we say so , on both sides , without any loss of mutual respect or Masonic good feeling . With regard to the " contribution from lodges" a good deal may be said , as Bro .
Grimaux puts it , on both sides . In England we pay a " capitation " fee , according tn the numbers of members in our lodges , and it seems that all the French lodges , if we understand Bro . Grimaux rightly , now pay a " cotisation , " if numbering forty members of seventy-five francs , cr close into £ 3 3 s . in round numbers annually . It is now proposed to make each lodge pay a fixed payment ,
according to numbers , to be settled by the annual Convent . Bro . Caubet and others object that if one lodge , for instance , pays fifty francs and another pays 300 francs , the lodge P y ' S 300 will want more votes than the lodge only paying fifty francs , and that all lodges are equal . Bro . Grimaux points out that the present system is
illogical , for if the lodge has forty-one members it pays 120 francs , or £ 5 , so that lodges keep down the numbers to forty . If the Grand Orient would only turn its attention to its own financial position and leave " burning questions " alone , how much better would it be for French Freemasonry , nay Freemasonry " all the world over . " MASKELYNE .
The Royal Masonic Pupils' Assistance Fund.
THE ROYAL MASONIC PUPILS ' ASSISTANCE FUND .
The course of training followed by the Masonic Educational Charities , in common with many similar institutions in various parts of the country , is looked upon as more or less successful in proportion to the results that can be shown as emanating from the pupils themselves .
It is not only necessary that a girl or a boy should receive a good education , but it is likewise desirable that they should prove that such education has been of service to them in after life—indeed , that it has been the means of their securing a position which without such education they could not have attained . With a view to assist in this object the Committees of very many of the English
Chanties make it a part of their duty to interest themselves in the future of the pupils who have been educated under their care . This they do by obtaining for those whom they deem deserving situations in offices presided over or belonging to one of their number , who they are assured will act as parent or guardian to their charge , and by apprenticing , or otherwise starting in life those
who , being orphans or from other causes , may need more aid than is forthcoming from relatives generally . The practicability and success of such a scheme can be vouched for in numerous instances where it has been in work for years past ; and were it necessary the records of some of our largest Charifirs wnnlr ! give ampl * evidence of the satisfaction derived from keeping an account of each
scholar ' s proceedings in after life . It has frequently been found that a little advice , counsel , or help has proved to be the starting point of success . With regard to the Masonic Institutions , it has often been regretted that some further surveillance has not been exercised over those who have been so fortunate as to receive therein education and early training ; and it is felt
that without something be done to watch the future of those who leave the Schools , and , if need be , lend them a helping hand , the work of Masonic Charity is incomplete . This want may perhaps best be expressed in the words of the Right Hon . Bro . the Earl of Rosslyn , K . T ., Past Grand Master of Scotland , who , as President at the eightyfirst anniversary festival of the Royal Masonic Institution
for Boys , brought the question particularly before the Craft . The Right Worshipful brother , in proposing prosperity to the Institution , after detailing the advantages and benefits which were derived from the School , said : " I will tell you a little fault , and I am sure I need only mention it to find it immediately corrected ; and the fault that 1 am going to find is this—that it is not impossible that at the end of
their schooling career some ot these boys may leave the School homeless and in need . It may be that the good seed sown may bear fruit during their scholastic career , but it may also be that the fruit will perish for want of cultivation at a later period . It may be that having derived all the advantage that they could from their stuely , and from their religious training in your Institution , they
may leave it to fall into evil courses and evil ways , or even to suffer penury and poverty . I would appeal to you once more , as that is the only blot I can find in your excellent Institution , to try and amend it , that the pupils may derive the full benefit of your bounty and your charity . " It is now proposed to raise a fund which shall act as an adjunct to the two Masonic Schools , and be the means of
supplying the want set forth above ; and for this purpose your support and aid are earnestly solicited . It is proposed that an early date shall be fixed for a meeting of those who may express approval of the scheme , and thereat the various rules for the government and conduct of affairs shall be discussed , Committees appointed , ami general arrangements made .
It is hoped that the fund when once established will grow from year to year , and that the dividends of the subscriptions—which will be invested in approved securities—may in themselves prove sufficient for the various objects aimeel at . Further particulars of the scheme will be announced as
they are arranged ; but in the meantime wc ask you fraternally to lend your aid to the furtherance of the desired object , by making it known to your friends , offering suggestions , or in any other way you may deem desirable . The main objects of the fund will be : — To provide situations for the pupils on their leaving the Masonic Schools .
The Royal Masonic Pupils' Assistance Fund.
To watch their progress and offer aid and advice where needful . To advance small amounts to aid in the purchase of tools , outfits , and , later in life , goodwills of businesses , & c . To assist pupils who may have gained scholarships at the Universities , or boys who may desire to enter the Army
or Navy , and aid them in obtaining commissions . And generally to watch over the future of the pupils , and help them in securing success in life . Circulars andforms for collecting , together with other information , may be had on application to Bro . Dick Radclyffe , 129 , High Holborn , London , W . C .
Specimens Of Society Journals
SPECIMENS OF SOCIETY JOURNALS
No . II . —SPECULUM . FcliUi in speculum . —Latin Proverb . Salisbury : Stand by , or I shall gall you , Faulconbridge . Bast .: Thou wert better gall the devil , Salisbury . * * # *
* * * * Put up thy sword betime , Or I'll so maul you and your toasting iron That you shall think * * " [ For context see the play itself . ] —King John Act IV ., sc . 3 , I am not myself a Freemason , but I have often amused myself by passing for one .
Freemasons are the most ignorant and credulous of mankind . I know—but then it does not become me to reiterate assertions , which sound like bragging , and , o £ course , as I am acquainted with everything , it amounts to a platitude to repeat that I am aware of this—I know more of Freemasonry than the brethren do themselves .
For instance , how few , or how many , Freemasons have ever enquired into the cause of the curious fact that the vast majority of the members of the Craft follow the avocation of undertakers ? It is so . I assert it . I know . That settles it .
Which postulate granted—as , of course , it must bewhy is this thus ? What is the reason of this thusness ? as my most intimate and dear friend , the late Count Cavour used to say . The immorality throughout Great Britain was never more hideously dreadful than it is at the present moment .
1 lament it ; I need not say this . The whole course of my previous life will attest the sincerity of my indignantly righteous denunciations of the prevalence of immorality . But immorality has material results . Alas !
Of all the useful handicraftsmen the necessities of an artificial state of society compel its votaries to employ , the undertaker is perhaps the most indispensable . But may not his aid be sometimes invoked to conceal the results of vice , as well as with dignity and solemnity to hide the fragile tenement of clay that once clad the soul of the respected and lamented " loved and lost ?"
An assistant schoolmaster , with whom I contract to supply me with the very little knowledge of English history I require in my business of gossip purveyor , sometimes most agreeably communicates his information over a glass of vermouth and a cigarette . I invariably smoke the very best cigarettes .
My vermouth is the same as that supplied to His Excellency the Pasha of Beyrouth . When I was in the House of Commons I served on the Members' Refreshment Committee . I endeavoured to procure the introduction of absinthe and vermouth . I was defeated in this laudable object .
I was indubitably the most popular , and probably the most influential man in the House , but I was out-voted in the matter of vermouth and absinthe . My instructor , the A . S ., informs me that there existed a tradition , during the great civil war , that Lunsford ' s Dragoons , then in arms for His Majesty ' s cause , used to breakfast on broiled babies .
I have breakfasted and dined upon almost everything , but I have never partaken of broiled babies . Boiled , with bread fruit sauce , they are very good eating . The banquets of Freemasons are notoriously coarse and gross . Undertakers are convenient purveyors .
The seal of secresy is obviously an advantage . When John Colman ' s son desired to descend a coal pit his father asked him why he wished to run the risk . He replied , " In order to say that he had been down a mine . " Says Pere , " What a fool you must be . Can't you say you have been down without going J "
Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software.
Masonic Notes And Queries.
Washington . Its charter members were from Lodge 45 , and some of the Eastern lodges . We shall recall the names of a few of the early members of Lodge 54 as an inducement for the present members of our Masonic bodies to imitate their example , as citizens and as Masons . The lod ^ e consisted of such high-minded and honourable men as Dr . Absalom Baird , James Ross , David Reddick , John
j-Iooe , Joseph Ashbrook , David Acheson , John Wilson , John Israel , Joseph Pentecost , Alexander Reed , Thomas H . Baird , and a long list of such honourable worthies , some of whose , descendants are members of the fraternity in this place and are emulating the lives of their ancestors by adhering to the undying principles of Masonry : Pittsburgh , April 2 , iS ; g .
To Bro . Past Master Alfred Creigh , of Washington Lodge , No . 164 , Washington , Penn ' a . Dear Sir and Bro ., —At a stated meeting of Lodge No . 45 , F . and A . Masons , held at Masonic Hall , 5 th Avenue , ViiUburgh , Pa ., on Wednesday evening , March 26 th , 1879 , Bro . George S . Haines , W . M ., of Ionic Lodge , No . 52 ; , in
a few graceful and kindly words presented on your behalf to this lodge a diploma issued to Bro . David Reddick , bearing date June 6 , 1799 . The interest attached to this venerable document is of no ordinary character . Having been granted at a time long prior to the birth of any living member , when not onh this lodge but Masi nry as an Institution was in its
infancy m this locality , anil Lorlge 4 j was the only Masonic body west of the Allegheny Mountains , it is very easy to conceive that a certain value was attached to it then , how much more should we value it now , and how much greater should we prize it , surviving as it has done all the trials and tribulations through which the fraternity has so nobly and so successfully passed .
The splendid state of preservation in which this relic reaches u ? , with the seal uninjured , the parchment scarcely worn , and the writing so clear and distinct that it might have been written to-day , demonstrates how thoroughly well the work was performed in the first place , and specially points out how sacredly it has been guarded through the nearly four-score years of its existence . It thus becomes
a connecting link between the past and the present—the old time and the new—the bridge which spans the dark and troublesome days in Masonic history which so" sorely tried men ' s souls "—and leads us step by step to our present era of peace and prosperity . Next to its value as a Masonic relic and the intimate relation it bears to our lodge , comes its record as a
memento of a past century—of a time that has been ; and in this connection , we can understand how sore a trial it may have been to part with so valuable a treasure , and can admire , whilst scarcely hoping to imitate , the selfdenial practised by one to whom such rare articles are so dear . No poor words of mine can express our appreciation of , and sincere and cordial thanks for , so valuable and interesting an addition to the archives of our lodge .
We shall show our appreciation of this valuable relic —the diploma of a true-hearted Mason—by placing it in a frame worthy of so valuable a donation , and whilst we view its beauties and ponder over the vicissitudes of its strange and long history , wc shall ever respect and admire its generous donor—and thus hand down the gift and the name of the giver to the latest posterity . Yours fraternally ,
FRED . H . LACEY , W . M [ us . ] Attest : D . A . STEVENSON , Sec .
The Monde Maconnique For August.
THE MONDE MACONNIQUE FOR AUGUST .
The " Monde Maconnique " for August gives us some interesting facts , as pointing out clearly the increasing " embroglio" and difficulties of French Freemasonry in the Grand Orient of France . Its friends like to declare
that everything is " couleur de rose , " and that " all is for the best" in this " best , " not of " worlds , " but of " jurisdictions . " Those of us , however , who are behind the s « iv ; s are perfectly well aware that when the tinsel , and the fireworks , and the coloured lights are at an end there remains but a sad " residuum " of doubt and
dissatisfaction , of fear and confusion for French Freemasonry to-day , The " Convent " which is to be held on September 8 th , at Pari ? , df the Grand Orient , having dealt with the usual number of foolish , childish , and impracticable " vceux , " that is , so to say , practical suggestions , or amendments and changes , has two most important matters before it — " the revised rituals , " and the " payments from lodges " to
the Grand Orient . There can be no doubt as to what the report ° / the Council of the Order will be as to the " revised ntu . il , " which " it has , " says Bro . Giimaux , reassuringly placed in harmony with the changes effected in the Constitution . " This act of harmonizing means suppression of the name of God . Bro . Grimaux adds , that the
new ritual is not to be " obligatory , " but that " the lodges "ill always have the liberty of choosing between the new and the old . " Wc shall hope that Bro . Grimaux ' s anticipations may turn out to be correct , that so tolerant a propamine may be realized . But we confess that we have both fears and doubts on the subject . Nothing , alas ! fan now bridge over the chasm between the Grand Lodge u England and the Grand Orient of France , and when
ro c <> usin tells an English brother , as we read in a recent " Bulletin du Grand Orient , " that the divergence '¦ tween the two bodie-s arises from a " mal cntendu , " u mistake , " we only wonder what he means , and ask if "f ' o " ar ? Veally " worJs" " fac's" are really acts ? " or if there be not a Masonic as well as a Jesuit is " . ural "sc of words ? But when the changed ritual ¦ A a " accom P ' " we ought not to hear anything more ma ! encendet" at any rate , and we feel sure that Bro .
The Monde Maconnique For August.
Caubet is too honest to accept any such position or state of the case . We have not always been " in accord " with Bro . Caubet , as our readers know , but we have always done justice to his sincerity . We honestly disagree , and we say so , on both sides , without any loss of mutual respect or Masonic good feeling . With regard to the " contribution from lodges" a good deal may be said , as Bro .
Grimaux puts it , on both sides . In England we pay a " capitation " fee , according tn the numbers of members in our lodges , and it seems that all the French lodges , if we understand Bro . Grimaux rightly , now pay a " cotisation , " if numbering forty members of seventy-five francs , cr close into £ 3 3 s . in round numbers annually . It is now proposed to make each lodge pay a fixed payment ,
according to numbers , to be settled by the annual Convent . Bro . Caubet and others object that if one lodge , for instance , pays fifty francs and another pays 300 francs , the lodge P y ' S 300 will want more votes than the lodge only paying fifty francs , and that all lodges are equal . Bro . Grimaux points out that the present system is
illogical , for if the lodge has forty-one members it pays 120 francs , or £ 5 , so that lodges keep down the numbers to forty . If the Grand Orient would only turn its attention to its own financial position and leave " burning questions " alone , how much better would it be for French Freemasonry , nay Freemasonry " all the world over . " MASKELYNE .
The Royal Masonic Pupils' Assistance Fund.
THE ROYAL MASONIC PUPILS ' ASSISTANCE FUND .
The course of training followed by the Masonic Educational Charities , in common with many similar institutions in various parts of the country , is looked upon as more or less successful in proportion to the results that can be shown as emanating from the pupils themselves .
It is not only necessary that a girl or a boy should receive a good education , but it is likewise desirable that they should prove that such education has been of service to them in after life—indeed , that it has been the means of their securing a position which without such education they could not have attained . With a view to assist in this object the Committees of very many of the English
Chanties make it a part of their duty to interest themselves in the future of the pupils who have been educated under their care . This they do by obtaining for those whom they deem deserving situations in offices presided over or belonging to one of their number , who they are assured will act as parent or guardian to their charge , and by apprenticing , or otherwise starting in life those
who , being orphans or from other causes , may need more aid than is forthcoming from relatives generally . The practicability and success of such a scheme can be vouched for in numerous instances where it has been in work for years past ; and were it necessary the records of some of our largest Charifirs wnnlr ! give ampl * evidence of the satisfaction derived from keeping an account of each
scholar ' s proceedings in after life . It has frequently been found that a little advice , counsel , or help has proved to be the starting point of success . With regard to the Masonic Institutions , it has often been regretted that some further surveillance has not been exercised over those who have been so fortunate as to receive therein education and early training ; and it is felt
that without something be done to watch the future of those who leave the Schools , and , if need be , lend them a helping hand , the work of Masonic Charity is incomplete . This want may perhaps best be expressed in the words of the Right Hon . Bro . the Earl of Rosslyn , K . T ., Past Grand Master of Scotland , who , as President at the eightyfirst anniversary festival of the Royal Masonic Institution
for Boys , brought the question particularly before the Craft . The Right Worshipful brother , in proposing prosperity to the Institution , after detailing the advantages and benefits which were derived from the School , said : " I will tell you a little fault , and I am sure I need only mention it to find it immediately corrected ; and the fault that 1 am going to find is this—that it is not impossible that at the end of
their schooling career some ot these boys may leave the School homeless and in need . It may be that the good seed sown may bear fruit during their scholastic career , but it may also be that the fruit will perish for want of cultivation at a later period . It may be that having derived all the advantage that they could from their stuely , and from their religious training in your Institution , they
may leave it to fall into evil courses and evil ways , or even to suffer penury and poverty . I would appeal to you once more , as that is the only blot I can find in your excellent Institution , to try and amend it , that the pupils may derive the full benefit of your bounty and your charity . " It is now proposed to raise a fund which shall act as an adjunct to the two Masonic Schools , and be the means of
supplying the want set forth above ; and for this purpose your support and aid are earnestly solicited . It is proposed that an early date shall be fixed for a meeting of those who may express approval of the scheme , and thereat the various rules for the government and conduct of affairs shall be discussed , Committees appointed , ami general arrangements made .
It is hoped that the fund when once established will grow from year to year , and that the dividends of the subscriptions—which will be invested in approved securities—may in themselves prove sufficient for the various objects aimeel at . Further particulars of the scheme will be announced as
they are arranged ; but in the meantime wc ask you fraternally to lend your aid to the furtherance of the desired object , by making it known to your friends , offering suggestions , or in any other way you may deem desirable . The main objects of the fund will be : — To provide situations for the pupils on their leaving the Masonic Schools .
The Royal Masonic Pupils' Assistance Fund.
To watch their progress and offer aid and advice where needful . To advance small amounts to aid in the purchase of tools , outfits , and , later in life , goodwills of businesses , & c . To assist pupils who may have gained scholarships at the Universities , or boys who may desire to enter the Army
or Navy , and aid them in obtaining commissions . And generally to watch over the future of the pupils , and help them in securing success in life . Circulars andforms for collecting , together with other information , may be had on application to Bro . Dick Radclyffe , 129 , High Holborn , London , W . C .
Specimens Of Society Journals
SPECIMENS OF SOCIETY JOURNALS
No . II . —SPECULUM . FcliUi in speculum . —Latin Proverb . Salisbury : Stand by , or I shall gall you , Faulconbridge . Bast .: Thou wert better gall the devil , Salisbury . * * # *
* * * * Put up thy sword betime , Or I'll so maul you and your toasting iron That you shall think * * " [ For context see the play itself . ] —King John Act IV ., sc . 3 , I am not myself a Freemason , but I have often amused myself by passing for one .
Freemasons are the most ignorant and credulous of mankind . I know—but then it does not become me to reiterate assertions , which sound like bragging , and , o £ course , as I am acquainted with everything , it amounts to a platitude to repeat that I am aware of this—I know more of Freemasonry than the brethren do themselves .
For instance , how few , or how many , Freemasons have ever enquired into the cause of the curious fact that the vast majority of the members of the Craft follow the avocation of undertakers ? It is so . I assert it . I know . That settles it .
Which postulate granted—as , of course , it must bewhy is this thus ? What is the reason of this thusness ? as my most intimate and dear friend , the late Count Cavour used to say . The immorality throughout Great Britain was never more hideously dreadful than it is at the present moment .
1 lament it ; I need not say this . The whole course of my previous life will attest the sincerity of my indignantly righteous denunciations of the prevalence of immorality . But immorality has material results . Alas !
Of all the useful handicraftsmen the necessities of an artificial state of society compel its votaries to employ , the undertaker is perhaps the most indispensable . But may not his aid be sometimes invoked to conceal the results of vice , as well as with dignity and solemnity to hide the fragile tenement of clay that once clad the soul of the respected and lamented " loved and lost ?"
An assistant schoolmaster , with whom I contract to supply me with the very little knowledge of English history I require in my business of gossip purveyor , sometimes most agreeably communicates his information over a glass of vermouth and a cigarette . I invariably smoke the very best cigarettes .
My vermouth is the same as that supplied to His Excellency the Pasha of Beyrouth . When I was in the House of Commons I served on the Members' Refreshment Committee . I endeavoured to procure the introduction of absinthe and vermouth . I was defeated in this laudable object .
I was indubitably the most popular , and probably the most influential man in the House , but I was out-voted in the matter of vermouth and absinthe . My instructor , the A . S ., informs me that there existed a tradition , during the great civil war , that Lunsford ' s Dragoons , then in arms for His Majesty ' s cause , used to breakfast on broiled babies .
I have breakfasted and dined upon almost everything , but I have never partaken of broiled babies . Boiled , with bread fruit sauce , they are very good eating . The banquets of Freemasons are notoriously coarse and gross . Undertakers are convenient purveyors .
The seal of secresy is obviously an advantage . When John Colman ' s son desired to descend a coal pit his father asked him why he wished to run the risk . He replied , " In order to say that he had been down a mine . " Says Pere , " What a fool you must be . Can't you say you have been down without going J "