My Mother-In-Law.

in the grate , and a rocking chair sat before it . . Glad of a reprieve , I threw myself into the chair , lit a cigar , and began to smoke . My wife was occupied elsewhere , I supposed ; but this was the beginning of my mother-in-law ' s advent . Ever , until now , had my Anna Maria run to the door to greet me with a kiss .

I was vexed , and I shall not attempt to deny it . Well , since she had not cared , I'd not show that I did . I closed my eyes and smoked on . Even when steps entered the room I did not open them .

" I declare , " said a voice , " I smell smoke ! I smell tobacco ! I declare , I believe some one is smoking in this house ! " Sniff , sniff . " Tobacco smoke , surely ! " A match snapped . I opened my eyes , sat up , and saw a stout lady

lighting the gas . My mother-in-law was a very big one , with a cap—a white capwith black ribbons , and she wore black alpaca with flounces . I saw that she was one with whom I must , sooner or later , come to single combat .

Having lit the lamp , she turned toward me , put up a pair of gold glasses , aud said , in a tone of suppressed wrath : " Well , and what does this mean . " "It means that I am finishing my cigar , " I said . " And I should like to know , " said she , "how you happened to come into this

parlour to finish it !" " Well , madam , your daughter has never objected to it , " said I . "I ' ve smoked many a cigar here , and I shall continue to do so . Any one who doesn ' t like it can go elsewhere , you know . " "The impudence ! " said the old lady .

" But either you are mad or I am . My daughter has not objected to your smoking . You have often smoked in this room , do you say ?" "I have , " said I ; " many a night I ' ve smoked here until one o ' clock , she sitting

opposite me , and I got her to try a paper ci garette . Let me roll you one—it would settle your nerves . " "Heavens and earth , " cried the old lady . " My daughter , whom I have brought up with such care , smoke cigarettes with you at one in the morning ! Have I been dreaming ] Have I been

deceived 1 But no ! it ' s a lie—an awful slanderous lie !" " You may ask her , madam , " said I . " And more than that , I should have clone as I pleased , in any case . A man is master in his own house . " " His own house ? " said she .

" Yes , " said I . " You don ' t deny , I hope , that I ' m your daughter ' s husband . " " My daughter ' s husband ? " said she . " Oh ! is it true ? Have I been deceived 1 Is he mador—Eliza 1 Eliza 1 E-e-e-liza ! "

, As she screamed the name , a young woman rushed into the room , looked at me , and shrieked also . "Eliza Bolivar , " said the old lady , " speak my child , is that man your husband ?"

"Why , ma , " said the young lady , "I never saw him before . " And now I saw what I had done . I had entered Mrs . Bolivar ' s house instead of my own . These were Mrs . and Miss Bolivar . " It is an absurd mistake . Let me explain , " said I . " No . t a word , " said the old lady .

" Not a word . Go !" "Not- until I ' ve explained . " I said . My wife—" " I am not ! " said Eliza Bolivar . " I don't think you are , " said I . " I—" "You averred that she was , " said the old lady . WaitEliza ! I see it all .

, This is a burglar . It ' s one of their tricks to get us to leave the room while they look for the plate . But he shan ' t escape . Go to the window and call the police . I will hold him !" She grabbed me by the coat collar .

Eliza shrieked from the window : " Help ! thieves !'' Horror possessed me . I wriggled out of the coat , dashed under the old lady ' s arms , and rushed bareheaded and in my shirt sleeves into my own area gate . In a moment more I stood before

my wife , our domestic , and a lady whom I knew to be my actual mother-in-law , and who was only Maria twenty years older , and set them to screaming , too . The street was full of boys . Mrs . Bolivar still shrieked "thieves and murder !'

There was nothing for it but to explain ; which I did . " What shall we do T" cried Anna Mavia .. F 2