Epigrams.

EPIGRAMS .

( Continued from page 132 . ) A Queen to the Rescue . Upon the day previous to the christening of the Empress Frederick , the late Prince Consort , while skating on the pond in the gardens of Buckingham Palace , accidentally broke into a piece of new ice which had formed over a

hole made for the purpose of guaging the thickness . Her Majesty tho Queen was an eye witness of the accident to her husband , and immediately assisted Prince Albert in bis efforts to reach the bank . Afterwards speaking of the circumstance the Queen said that her " fright was indescribable . " The following lines by Tom Hood refer to the incident :

" Long life and hard frosts to our fortunate Prince , For many years' skating may Providence spare him ! , But surely his accident served to evince , That the Queen dearly loves , though ' the ice couldn't bear him . ' " The Queen ' s Birthday .

" On Eoyal birthdays once it used to be The custom , certain pris ' ners to sot free ; But now the ordinary practice runs , Not to let off the culprits—but the guns . "

On the North Britons . " It seems that the Scots Turn out the best shots At long distance than most of tho Englishmen are ;

But this we all knew That a Scotchman could do—Make a small piece of metal go awfully far . " Shirley Brooks .

The Rule of the Road . " The rule of the road is a parodox quite , Both in riding and driving along ; If you go to tho left , you are sure to go right , If you go to the right you go wrong :

But in walking tho streets , 'tis a different case , To the right it is right you should bear , To the left should bo left quite enough of free space For the persons you chance to meet thero . " Lord Erskino .

Russian Epigram . " What is man's history ? Born , living , dying ; Leaving tho still shore for the troubled wave ; Struggling with storm-winds , o ' er shipwrecks flying , And casting anchor in the silent grave . "

Scales in a Freemason ' s Lodge . " Why should tho Brethren met in Lodge Adopt such awkward measures , To set their scales and weights to judge The value of their treasures ?

The law laid down from age to age How can they well o'orcome it ? For it forbids them to engage With aught but line and plummet . " Ferguson .

Spiritual Prescription . Copy of a prescription in tho fly-leaf of an antique Bible in the bedroom of an old manor-house in East Gloucestershire : — " Please to take threo of these ( soul ) pills night and morning , for

Mrs . Mary Chase . " " Such was the wit that in our grandsires' days Shrowded the sage advice of reverend men ; If it did good , to God give all the praise , And let our pious grandsons say , ' Amen I' "

Splenetic . " In Coin , the town of monks and bones , And pavements fang'd with murderous stones , And rags , and hags , and hideous wenches , I counted two-and-seventy stenches ,

All well-defined and separate stinks I Ye nymphs that reign o'er sewers and sinks , The river Ehino it is well known Doth wash your city of Cologne . But tell me nymphs , what power divine , Shall henceforth wash tho river Ehino ? " S . T . Coleridge .

The student . The following lines , written by Sir Thomas More , author of " Utopia , " are described by Warton as " the first pointed English epigram . " Sir Thomas was executed in 1535 .

" A student at his book so plast ( earnest ) That wealth he might have won , From book to wife did fleet in haste , From wealth to woe to run .

Now who hath played a feater cast , Since juggling first begun ? In knitting of himself so fast , Himself he hath undone . "

Taxation . " ' Taxes are equal , is a dogma which I'll prove at once , ' exclaimed a Tory boor : ' Taxation hardly presses on the rich , And likewise presses hardly on the poor . '"

Epigrams.

The Test . "Not drunk is he who from the floor Can rise alone and still drink more : But drunk is he who prostrate lies Without the power to drink or rise . "

Teutonic . " Charmed with a drink which Highlander ' s compose , ¦ A German traveller exclaimed with glee , ' Potz tauseud , sare , if dis is Atholl Brose , How good your Atholl Boetry must be . ' " Thomas Hood .

Theological Horology . " There's this to say about the Scotch , So bother bannocks , braes , and birks , They can't produce a decent watch , For Calvinists despise good works . " Shirley Brooks .

Treason . " Treason doth never prosper—what ' s tho reason ? For if it prosper , none doth call it treason . " Sir John Harrington . Two Negatives an Affirmative . " When Colia was asked if to church she would go ,

The fair one replied to mo , ' No , Eichard , no . ' At her meaning 1 ventured a pretty good guess , For from grammar I learned ' No , and no , stood for yes . ' "

Useful . To a lady who was iu the lliabit of keeping 'five-pound notes in her Bible .

" Your Bible , madam , teems with wealth , Within tho leaves it floats ; Delightful is the sacred text , But heavenly are the notes . "

Virescit , Vulnere , Virtus . " For injured Virtue , trampled on , revives ; More beauteous , seems , and by oppression thrives ;

Custom it is , that all the world to slavery brings , And the dull . excuse for doing silly things . Custom , which sometimes Wisdom overrules , And serves instead of Eeason to the fools . "

Vowels . " Wo are little airy creatures , All of different voice and features ; One of us in glass is set , One of us you'll find in jet :

T'other you may see in tin , And the fourth a box within : If the fifth you should pursue , It can never lly from you . " These lines are supposed to have suggested to Miss C . Fanshawe her celebrated enigma on the letter H .

The Walcheren Expedition , An epigram arising out of tho abortive expedition fitted out against Franco at the beginning of the present century , is as follows :

" Lord Chatham , with his sabre drawn , Stood waiting for Sir Eichard Strahan ; Sir Eichard , longing to be at 'em , Stood waiting for the Earl of Chatham . "

The expedition consisted of 35 ships of the line and 200 smaller vessels , and 40 , 000 land forces , Sir Eichard Strahan commanding the fleet , and the Earl of Chatham the army . " Perhaps , " says a writer , " a more powerful and better appointed armament had never previously left tho British ports , or ever more completely disappointed public expectations .

Wit . " As in 3 mooth oil the razor best is whet , So wit is by politeness sharpest set ; Their want of edge from their offence is seen , Both pain us least when exquisitely keen . " Dr . Young .

A Woman ' s Mind . " What is lightor than a feather ? Dust , my friend , in driest weather . What ' s lighter than the dust I pray ?

The wind that wafts it far away . What is lighter than the wind ? The lightness of a woman's mind . And what is lighter than the last ? Nay 1 now , my friend you have me fast . "

The above seems to be a humorous translation from the Latin : — Quid calamo levius ? iBther . Quid tethere ? Pulvis . Pulvere quid ? Mulier . Quid muliere ? Nihil . X . Q . Z .

Upon a correspondent , who had signed himself " X . Q „ " and whose contribution was rejected : " A correspondent , something new , Transmitting , signed himself ' X . Q ;' The editor his letter read , And beggd he might be ( X . Q . Z . ) . " " Beok of Earities , " by Edward Eoberts P . M ,