Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software.
On The Absurdity, Folly, And Inconsistency Of Various Fashionable Customs And Ceremonies
"O , Madam , you surprise me . "— " Nay , Madam , only ct the company . "Pshaw , Madam !"—Words went very high . The company was unwilling to decide on either side for fear of offending "either party . Mr . Joseph , the butler , was appealed to , who gave it in favour of his mistress . This only exasperated the other lady . Pier brilliant eyes , which only used to dart the fire of Jovenow flashed revenge . Six times in a
, second the knife and fork were tossed about . Pier fingers began to aim at something- which her antagonist seemed to be aware of by settling the pins in her cap , and drawing her chair a little farther off from her : and here it would have ended , had not a contemptuous smile from the mistress of the table been insupportable ; for now the plum tart , the macaroni , and Parmesan , all went souse into the lady ' s face , which from
the most delicate white became yellow , brown , blue , and of divers hues . The company all rose ; prayers and entreaties for peace were urged in vain ; hands were held , the lady ' s woman called , hartshorn , lavender water , towels ; and the ladies were both conducted into separate retirements , in order to cool . I sent next day to know how they did , and find the mighty point of contest remains yet alia made repostum , as Virgil calls it . But I have some hopes , hands may be
shaken , if this dubious matter were determined by better authority than Mr . Joseph ' s . I therefore beg leave to subjoin the following card : " To all ladies , mistresses of a polite table , this question is humbly " proposed and submitted , whether fruit-pies and puddings should be " eaten after or before macaroni and Parmesan ?" There is another most dissonant and perplexing custom , which is that of drinking healths at table ; and we certainlhave the best
reay son for dropping such a troublesome custom , when we have so good an example in all crowned heads , who , I am informed , never suffer so teazing a ceremony among them . It is my misfortune to visit some houses where six children dine at table ; and mamma , to shew her good breeding and manners , has taught all her squeaking brats to drink every person ' s health at the
table ; we have therefore nothing in our ears but the dull repetitions of these children , to shew their observance of mamma ' s dictates . Drinking of healths does not stop here , but in large societies is the pest of every sensible ear , where you will have a pudding-stuffed alderman echo some common councilman ' s health , and desire the vibration to be continued ten deep , when a culinary echo is returned of , " Thank you—thank you—thank you , Sir . "
I belong to one ofthe most vociferous clubs in town , where , independent of their natural and acquired noise , they keep eternally bellowing the president ' s health—so that before one mouthful can succeed to another , I am continuall y interrupted with , "Doctor—Sir , your health ! " For the universal peace of every table I mention tin ' s , in the hope that an universal reformation in the custom may be adopted . Sometimes I have pretended not to hear this offensive salute , in tha hope that thereby I might escape making a reply ; when , to my mortification , some formal big-nosed old fellow waited till 1 was read y ™ -
Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software.
On The Absurdity, Folly, And Inconsistency Of Various Fashionable Customs And Ceremonies
"O , Madam , you surprise me . "— " Nay , Madam , only ct the company . "Pshaw , Madam !"—Words went very high . The company was unwilling to decide on either side for fear of offending "either party . Mr . Joseph , the butler , was appealed to , who gave it in favour of his mistress . This only exasperated the other lady . Pier brilliant eyes , which only used to dart the fire of Jovenow flashed revenge . Six times in a
, second the knife and fork were tossed about . Pier fingers began to aim at something- which her antagonist seemed to be aware of by settling the pins in her cap , and drawing her chair a little farther off from her : and here it would have ended , had not a contemptuous smile from the mistress of the table been insupportable ; for now the plum tart , the macaroni , and Parmesan , all went souse into the lady ' s face , which from
the most delicate white became yellow , brown , blue , and of divers hues . The company all rose ; prayers and entreaties for peace were urged in vain ; hands were held , the lady ' s woman called , hartshorn , lavender water , towels ; and the ladies were both conducted into separate retirements , in order to cool . I sent next day to know how they did , and find the mighty point of contest remains yet alia made repostum , as Virgil calls it . But I have some hopes , hands may be
shaken , if this dubious matter were determined by better authority than Mr . Joseph ' s . I therefore beg leave to subjoin the following card : " To all ladies , mistresses of a polite table , this question is humbly " proposed and submitted , whether fruit-pies and puddings should be " eaten after or before macaroni and Parmesan ?" There is another most dissonant and perplexing custom , which is that of drinking healths at table ; and we certainlhave the best
reay son for dropping such a troublesome custom , when we have so good an example in all crowned heads , who , I am informed , never suffer so teazing a ceremony among them . It is my misfortune to visit some houses where six children dine at table ; and mamma , to shew her good breeding and manners , has taught all her squeaking brats to drink every person ' s health at the
table ; we have therefore nothing in our ears but the dull repetitions of these children , to shew their observance of mamma ' s dictates . Drinking of healths does not stop here , but in large societies is the pest of every sensible ear , where you will have a pudding-stuffed alderman echo some common councilman ' s health , and desire the vibration to be continued ten deep , when a culinary echo is returned of , " Thank you—thank you—thank you , Sir . "
I belong to one ofthe most vociferous clubs in town , where , independent of their natural and acquired noise , they keep eternally bellowing the president ' s health—so that before one mouthful can succeed to another , I am continuall y interrupted with , "Doctor—Sir , your health ! " For the universal peace of every table I mention tin ' s , in the hope that an universal reformation in the custom may be adopted . Sometimes I have pretended not to hear this offensive salute , in tha hope that thereby I might escape making a reply ; when , to my mortification , some formal big-nosed old fellow waited till 1 was read y ™ -