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Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software.
The Builder's Bargain.
The Builder's Bargain .
A CHRISTMAS CARD , PERFECTLY PERFUMED
WITH EAU DE COLOGNE . * Yc nymphs who reign over ' sewers and sinks ! Thc river Rhine , it is well known , Doth wash your city of Cologne . Bnt tell mc , nymphs , what power divine Henceforth shall wash thc river Rhine ? , Culer ' ulee
gl !|> HAD just parted from my reverend and esteemed mis , friend , tho Editor , and was returning to my cham-^ g & hers the other day , when I felt called upon to pause lip aud examine the then recently unveiled Temple Bar Memorial . Why was it that , two minutes after that inspection , when I had sunk comfortably into my easy chair before a blazing Christmas fire , I was immediatel y transported in imagination to the ancient electoral city
of Cologne on the Rhine ? Why was it ? Well , I will tell you . Tho preposterous griffin-surmounted erection opposite the new Law Courts in-esistibly suggested to my mind a certain porcelain Gorman stove by which I once fell asleep and dreamed a curious dream , in the city of the seventy two distinct—well—smells—and that dream and its attendant circumstances I propose now to narrate
to you . Itwas Christmas Eve—ever so many years ago—I was frozen up there—the trains conldn't rnn . I was simpl y maddened at the thought of the house-mother—see how Teutonic I had become in my ideas—and the little ones , eating their turkey and pudding without papa ; and my exeellentdinnerafc the Queen Victoria Hotel consequentl y
had disagreed with me , so I took a glass of schnapsperhaps two—I could not conscientiously plead " not guilty" to three—for I wanted to correct the sequelant acidity , you sec—nnd then—I had a dash of cognac in my coffee , with my post-prandial " weed , " and—then I wandered out . As I passed tho unfinished Dom Kirche , tho sublime but intricate outline was sharply rendered by
the effulgent moonlight in shadow on tho pavement of the platz ; oven the renowned crane—not a bird , but a lifting machine—then conspicuous upon thc roof , found its simulacrum there—I passed on with a deep abiding sense of awe . I throw my cigar away—I could not smoke in that august presence . I solemnly wandered along to the fano of the great Ursula and her eleven
thousand etevies , and I gloomily mused upon tho unromembered and innumerable bones of the young Indies enshrined within that sombre edifice , until—until—I was forced to light up another cigai—for smells are sug . gestive—and—nnd then I lost my way . I found mysolf in a large open platz—I subsequentl y learned that it was the Herbmarkct or vegetable market
a kind of Spitalfields , Farringdon , and Covent Garden combined—on tho banks of the silvery Bhinc—which isn't a bit silvery , by thc way . A mcdiajval gateway , opened by an arch , closed the vista , and I felt coming over mo that very straugo , uncomfortable , indefinable feeling we have all of ns at times experienced . Pschy . ologists say it is derivable from tho dual construction ,
functions , and actions of tho brain that the percussive power of perception is unequally received , as it wero ; that what should be a single knock of impression becomes accidentally a postman's double rap—that curious sense of having been in the same place before — sensible of tbe same presence—sensitive to the same impressions—perceptive by anticipation of all that is to
happen immediately afterwards . To me it seemed that I had known the place wherein I now , and , strange to say , by no means unexpectedly , found myself , from my youth up , and yet it was certain 1 had never been there before . Nor had I ever before entered tho gasthaus which bore the inviting , but rather clumsy and confnsedly composed sign—though that , of course , issolel y attributable to the construction of the language—of
" The ever to be admired swine ol the celestial colour of blue , " and which I at once tersely translated as the Blue Boar . Nor had I over before sat by , and gruteftill y warmed mysolf at , that ornate china-ware stove , anil yet it seemed as if I had been tracing tho intricate meandering of its tube upon tube of chimney—going " all over the shop , " and mixing itself up with the steam from my hot hollands and water and the smoke from my nearly exhausted Havanna , from infancy .
I must have dozed ; tho stube—how ridiculous to call a tavern parlour a stove!—had no occupants when I entered—now , when I awake , ! find I have a companion —a little man who squats on a fall school and tucks his legs under him , as if afraid that people should see his feet . He is smoking a tremendously long German pipe with a large porcelain bowl , and , ever nnd anon , something
seems togo wrong with the tobacco . asif a practical joker had mixed gunpowder with it , a notion which appears to bo borne out by the strong smell of sulphurthat occasionally pervades the apartment . The smoker is dressed iu a tourist suit of " rench-me-downs at forfy-tivo , " ihe
colour of which ( strange to say ) is of bright red . " 1 travel in sealing wax , " explains the wearer ; with a revolting wink , observing that I am curiousl y noticing him— "What ' s your line ?—Oh , sight seeing ! Bot . „ doing the Dom Kirche ? Eh ? Moonlight effect ? ] . ; i , y English , eh ? Ah ! What , does your poet say ? 'He who
The Builder's Bargain.
would seo fair Melrose right should visit it on a—something or other—sort of night . ' That ' s not quite it , but accurately enough conveys the sense . Ah I You should have seen thafc platz on a moonlight night in the year 1248 . No pavement then—no gas—no voitures waiting for biro—boats , wherries . more likely , for the Rhine then came up nearly to where the walls of the Minster are
now pitched , and all thatis to-night flagstones was then shingle . Well , on just such a night as this , in the year 1248 , and at Christmas time , too , young Adelbert , the apprentice to the greatest architect and builder Cologne had up to that time ever produced , old Hans the Mas'r , sat on one of the posts to which they moored the skiffs aud—and—blubbered like a child .
" I love her "—he sobbed— " I love her and sho loves me . Alas and alack a day ! But oh ! the conditionsthe conditions , the cruel conditions ! Her flinty-hearted parent , my master , will not consent to her union with any one save an architect , and he—save the mark—must be thc one who , foz-emosfc in art , can design a cathedral for this—my adored one ' s native city , finer than any
now standing on the earth s surface . Oh , if I could but be inspired—I—I—I—yes ! I would give my soul ' s salvation freely if—Hallo ! is that somebody smoking ? * The poor lad , who had been gazing moodily upon the shingle , looked up and behold the corresponding log to that , upon which he was sitting occupied by a funny little being , clothed , as I am , all in red , and who tucked his legs up under him , just as I do , and was smoking a pipe exactly
like mine . Adelbert fancied , too , that tho tobacco his companion puffed sometimes seemed to smell of sulphur . You may have observed that mine does also occasionally . Thc little being grinned , and croaked— ' Never give up , try your hand , my boy . See , here is a stick with a tolerably sharp ferule . Now come , let us have your idea of a Dom Kirche . Come—trace a design in the shingle —So—"
Tho entered apprentice nervously took the staff in Ins hand . It hatl a rather ugly appearance , its head being , in fact , tho model of a scull enclosed in a pair of folded wings , and its crutch formed of two crossed bones . It also seemed to have a will of its own , and moved in his hand without his volition having anything whatever to do with its direction , liko thc hazel fork with which
old diviners used to try for water . Under the point of its ferule came traced upon the ground the linos of a noble church , with tall western towers and flanking transepts , and fairy-like flying buttresses , and stately eastern apse and glorious oriel lights . " Plagiarism , " grunted tho little man . " Westminster Abbey , London—Try again . "
Again the ferule moved swiftly , and again the tracery of a noblo pile appeared on the shingle in the moonlight . " More thievery , " said the critic ; " of course , you have been to Strasburg . There you aro ! Try and do something original , man , or lot me help you . " " Noire Damn , Paris , " sneered red jerkin , as the next design was submitted . " No invention ! Antwerp . York .
No better ! Troyes , Malines , St . Gudulo Brussels , St . Denis , Mayeuce , Trior , " wore aggravatingly snapped ont successively , with cruelly accompanying sneers , such as " No conception of design , " " No creative genius "until poor maddened Adelbert flung down the rod at his companion's feet with the frantic communication , "Tho devil take the thing . " As the staff fell from fcho'prentice
hand of tho despairing boy , the death s-head top fell off , nnd disclosed that the rod was but a hollow tube , from whicli tho little man in rod , picking up the stick , drew forth a parchment roll , thc which he proceeded to unfold . " A mere matter of form , " said he , as coolly pricking the youth's hand with the sharp point of the ferule ho caused the blood to flow freely . " A more matter of form , " ho
repeated , as he dipped a pen , which bo produced from beneath Ids doublet , in the ruby stream , and present cd it to Adelbert— " You sign here , " he cheerfully said , "just where the pencil mark is made . You put your finger on this spot , where you see a dab of red sealing wax , and yon says , says yon , ' 1 deliver this as my act and deed , says you' —a mere niatterof form , I tlo assure
you . " The bewildered boy hastily made his mark—our entered apprentices of those days were not completely cnlligruphicnlly instructed ; you see , Hoard Schools had not then been invented—and went through the cabalistic ceremony indicated to him ; then his new friend , hastily concealing tho executed document somewhere about his person , screwed the death's headon to tho stick again ,
placed it between Adelbert ' s nervous lingers , and bade him try his luck once more . Luck ! Beneath that point ; upon that cold white shingle , grew in lino nnd tracery , and pinnacle and crocket ling , and fan work and stalactite ceiling , and stupendously lofty and intricate columnar group ! ' gaud wagon roofing , and oriel antl wheel nnd rose windowing ,
nave and transept , and choir and chancel , and aisle antl chapter house , and auxiliary chapels , and involved wood screens , and earth-encroaching towers and firmamentpiercing spires , and heavenly galleries and earthly cloisters , and lace-resembling arches and airy clerestories , the like of which mortal man had never seen before , lhe like of which mortal man will probably never see again , but the like of which any mortal man can sec
now in all its splendour , in all its delicate beauty , m nil its massive towering impressiveness , by spending an insignificant number of shillings on a Cooke's excursion ticket to Cologne on the Rhino . Adelbert worked out and sent in his design for the proposed cathedral , and it is needless to say that it was readily accepted , ami so was he , as the suitor of Grctchon , by hor father and his muster—Hans tho Mas'r . His wedding day would have been unclouded , but for tho
The Builder's Bargain.
presence of an inconvenient individual who would appear ) dressed all in red , who would smoke a china pipe that smelt of sulphur , and who would awkwardly tuck up his legs under him when ho sat down . Pretty Bertha , one of the housemaids , who , as a waitress , attended tho wedding feast , crossed herself piously when she narrated how she had peeped under this peculiar guest ' s stool and seen
ferated Adelbert . " " No , you musn't d the English law , " said the other , " or else I shall not be able to explain what I mean . Well , our uncivilized cousins , the English , have a ceremonial legal observance which they call ' giving a boud , ' aud that bond has a condition attached to it called ' a defcazance , ' that is to
that his feet wore " divided in the hoof , as may be read of in Holy Writ . The happy pair were departing for their honeymoon in a shower of rice and slippers , when the diminutive man in rod drew tho nervous bridegroom aside and craved his attention for a moment , so as to obviate possible future misunderstanding . " Just as a little matter of business , " the red one observed . " In that barbaric system the English law " "Oh , d the English law , "
vocisay , that snch aud such things shall happen as a return for the consideration expressed in the document . I should be sorry for you to go away on your wedding trip in ignorance of your legal liabilities , so I merely seize the present auspicious opportunity of informing you—its a mere trifle—that the architect who obtains thc kudos of designing Cologne Cathedral , and every succeeding
artist who continues tho construction , will die au early and a violent death . What may become of your successors after this world thus abruptly closes upon thorn is not given mc to know , but ns for you—I shall shortly have to talk to you , and settle with you—down there !" and he pointed grinningly to thc pavement in front of Hans the Mas ' r ' s house—" and . inst remember—its a mere
matter of form , yon know—that you or your successors will require a crane , as soon as you , or tbey , can place a roof , to raise jour stonework and materials for tho construction of the towers . Well , that crane must never be removed . On tho day that it is displaced destruction will come upon tho federal city . Oh , its of no consequence—merely a matter of form . GOOD-Byo ! Bless
you I" Somebody near adding " GOD bless you ! " tho man in red was taken with convulsions , and disappeared in the sulphurous smoko of his huge pipe . The foundation-stone of tho now church was laid in great state and with full masonic ceremonies by the Elector of the Holy Roman Empire , assisted by the Cardinal Archbishop , tho Princes of the Empire , the
Burgomaster , aud the echovins . Thoarchitectpresented his j dans , had them duly returned to him with profusely complimentary expressions , and injunctions to seo them faithfully carried out , and a patent of nobility to boot , and—walking round that evening complacently to view tbe excavations in progress for the outer walls —foil into a pit nnd broke his neck , and was drowned
as well , and so left his proud Grctchon a disconsolate widow . At the Coroner's inquest * that was held upon his remains , it was testified upon oath that the last person seen with the regretted deceased while alive , was a diminutive individual iu scarlet doublet and hose , wearing a cock ' s red feather in a carmine-coloured bonnet , and smoking a large china pipe , the odour from
which smelt strongly of sulphur . His successor , Franz Midler , tried tho effect of tho appearance of the rising walls from a punt on tho Rhine , which , capsizing , tho artist was converted into ichthylogicnl tissue ; and Rhenish salmon , I know , and Rhenish eels , I nm informed , make very good eating indeed .
Max Biillen swore to complete thc edifice , but differing in opinion lrom the baronial proprietor of Marxlierg , was one day seized aud hanged from the turrets of that funnily perehed-up fortalice . His successor , Luigi Franconi , anItalian , was convicted of embezzling the funds of the Cathedral chapter , and also bade adieu to an unapprcciativc world mts . pe ,-, cut .
It would be very wearisome to go through tho list of the Franzes and Muxes and Hanses and Pctorkins who attempted the consummation of poor Adalbert ' s work . Each one either walked over the roof anil fell in n pulpy architectural mass on the Hags of tho platz below , or trotted blindly into tho Rhino , or was quietly poisoned by a rival artist , or got hanged or beheaded ,
or came to some other untimely end . As for the crane , nobody ever dared to touch that . From tho time it was raised on the roof of the nave it dominated tho districts of tho city . In 1412 tho contractors thought tho edifice so far advanced that the unsightly excrescence might bo conveniently removed . Tho operation was effected , and lo ! a fearsome and unparalleled tempest and whirlwind
devastated tho town . Meekly and reverently the burghers restored thc palladium . In 1561 a heretical and sceptical generation dethroned itagain , anil , behold , the pestilence came and smote the inhabitants by their thousands . In 1025 a sneering burgomaster hauled it over the then bnt partially completed parapet , and anon Wallonstein ' s
freo riders ravaged tbe ancient city . In liv-l the principles of revolutionary France so leavened tho on-coming youngsters of the old German society that tho party of progress wero emboldened to again displace th " apparatus , but old Father Rhino arose in his wrath null revenged tho desecration by an inundation which—"
"Aachen!—Aachen ! " Why does my rubioso companion shout " Aachen " , ? Wo are at Cologne , not at Aix-la-Chapelle .
Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software.
The Builder's Bargain.
The Builder's Bargain .
A CHRISTMAS CARD , PERFECTLY PERFUMED
WITH EAU DE COLOGNE . * Yc nymphs who reign over ' sewers and sinks ! Thc river Rhine , it is well known , Doth wash your city of Cologne . Bnt tell mc , nymphs , what power divine Henceforth shall wash thc river Rhine ? , Culer ' ulee
gl !|> HAD just parted from my reverend and esteemed mis , friend , tho Editor , and was returning to my cham-^ g & hers the other day , when I felt called upon to pause lip aud examine the then recently unveiled Temple Bar Memorial . Why was it that , two minutes after that inspection , when I had sunk comfortably into my easy chair before a blazing Christmas fire , I was immediatel y transported in imagination to the ancient electoral city
of Cologne on the Rhine ? Why was it ? Well , I will tell you . Tho preposterous griffin-surmounted erection opposite the new Law Courts in-esistibly suggested to my mind a certain porcelain Gorman stove by which I once fell asleep and dreamed a curious dream , in the city of the seventy two distinct—well—smells—and that dream and its attendant circumstances I propose now to narrate
to you . Itwas Christmas Eve—ever so many years ago—I was frozen up there—the trains conldn't rnn . I was simpl y maddened at the thought of the house-mother—see how Teutonic I had become in my ideas—and the little ones , eating their turkey and pudding without papa ; and my exeellentdinnerafc the Queen Victoria Hotel consequentl y
had disagreed with me , so I took a glass of schnapsperhaps two—I could not conscientiously plead " not guilty" to three—for I wanted to correct the sequelant acidity , you sec—nnd then—I had a dash of cognac in my coffee , with my post-prandial " weed , " and—then I wandered out . As I passed tho unfinished Dom Kirche , tho sublime but intricate outline was sharply rendered by
the effulgent moonlight in shadow on tho pavement of the platz ; oven the renowned crane—not a bird , but a lifting machine—then conspicuous upon thc roof , found its simulacrum there—I passed on with a deep abiding sense of awe . I throw my cigar away—I could not smoke in that august presence . I solemnly wandered along to the fano of the great Ursula and her eleven
thousand etevies , and I gloomily mused upon tho unromembered and innumerable bones of the young Indies enshrined within that sombre edifice , until—until—I was forced to light up another cigai—for smells are sug . gestive—and—nnd then I lost my way . I found mysolf in a large open platz—I subsequentl y learned that it was the Herbmarkct or vegetable market
a kind of Spitalfields , Farringdon , and Covent Garden combined—on tho banks of the silvery Bhinc—which isn't a bit silvery , by thc way . A mcdiajval gateway , opened by an arch , closed the vista , and I felt coming over mo that very straugo , uncomfortable , indefinable feeling we have all of ns at times experienced . Pschy . ologists say it is derivable from tho dual construction ,
functions , and actions of tho brain that the percussive power of perception is unequally received , as it wero ; that what should be a single knock of impression becomes accidentally a postman's double rap—that curious sense of having been in the same place before — sensible of tbe same presence—sensitive to the same impressions—perceptive by anticipation of all that is to
happen immediately afterwards . To me it seemed that I had known the place wherein I now , and , strange to say , by no means unexpectedly , found myself , from my youth up , and yet it was certain 1 had never been there before . Nor had I ever before entered tho gasthaus which bore the inviting , but rather clumsy and confnsedly composed sign—though that , of course , issolel y attributable to the construction of the language—of
" The ever to be admired swine ol the celestial colour of blue , " and which I at once tersely translated as the Blue Boar . Nor had I over before sat by , and gruteftill y warmed mysolf at , that ornate china-ware stove , anil yet it seemed as if I had been tracing tho intricate meandering of its tube upon tube of chimney—going " all over the shop , " and mixing itself up with the steam from my hot hollands and water and the smoke from my nearly exhausted Havanna , from infancy .
I must have dozed ; tho stube—how ridiculous to call a tavern parlour a stove!—had no occupants when I entered—now , when I awake , ! find I have a companion —a little man who squats on a fall school and tucks his legs under him , as if afraid that people should see his feet . He is smoking a tremendously long German pipe with a large porcelain bowl , and , ever nnd anon , something
seems togo wrong with the tobacco . asif a practical joker had mixed gunpowder with it , a notion which appears to bo borne out by the strong smell of sulphurthat occasionally pervades the apartment . The smoker is dressed iu a tourist suit of " rench-me-downs at forfy-tivo , " ihe
colour of which ( strange to say ) is of bright red . " 1 travel in sealing wax , " explains the wearer ; with a revolting wink , observing that I am curiousl y noticing him— "What ' s your line ?—Oh , sight seeing ! Bot . „ doing the Dom Kirche ? Eh ? Moonlight effect ? ] . ; i , y English , eh ? Ah ! What , does your poet say ? 'He who
The Builder's Bargain.
would seo fair Melrose right should visit it on a—something or other—sort of night . ' That ' s not quite it , but accurately enough conveys the sense . Ah I You should have seen thafc platz on a moonlight night in the year 1248 . No pavement then—no gas—no voitures waiting for biro—boats , wherries . more likely , for the Rhine then came up nearly to where the walls of the Minster are
now pitched , and all thatis to-night flagstones was then shingle . Well , on just such a night as this , in the year 1248 , and at Christmas time , too , young Adelbert , the apprentice to the greatest architect and builder Cologne had up to that time ever produced , old Hans the Mas'r , sat on one of the posts to which they moored the skiffs aud—and—blubbered like a child .
" I love her "—he sobbed— " I love her and sho loves me . Alas and alack a day ! But oh ! the conditionsthe conditions , the cruel conditions ! Her flinty-hearted parent , my master , will not consent to her union with any one save an architect , and he—save the mark—must be thc one who , foz-emosfc in art , can design a cathedral for this—my adored one ' s native city , finer than any
now standing on the earth s surface . Oh , if I could but be inspired—I—I—I—yes ! I would give my soul ' s salvation freely if—Hallo ! is that somebody smoking ? * The poor lad , who had been gazing moodily upon the shingle , looked up and behold the corresponding log to that , upon which he was sitting occupied by a funny little being , clothed , as I am , all in red , and who tucked his legs up under him , just as I do , and was smoking a pipe exactly
like mine . Adelbert fancied , too , that tho tobacco his companion puffed sometimes seemed to smell of sulphur . You may have observed that mine does also occasionally . Thc little being grinned , and croaked— ' Never give up , try your hand , my boy . See , here is a stick with a tolerably sharp ferule . Now come , let us have your idea of a Dom Kirche . Come—trace a design in the shingle —So—"
Tho entered apprentice nervously took the staff in Ins hand . It hatl a rather ugly appearance , its head being , in fact , tho model of a scull enclosed in a pair of folded wings , and its crutch formed of two crossed bones . It also seemed to have a will of its own , and moved in his hand without his volition having anything whatever to do with its direction , liko thc hazel fork with which
old diviners used to try for water . Under the point of its ferule came traced upon the ground the linos of a noble church , with tall western towers and flanking transepts , and fairy-like flying buttresses , and stately eastern apse and glorious oriel lights . " Plagiarism , " grunted tho little man . " Westminster Abbey , London—Try again . "
Again the ferule moved swiftly , and again the tracery of a noblo pile appeared on the shingle in the moonlight . " More thievery , " said the critic ; " of course , you have been to Strasburg . There you aro ! Try and do something original , man , or lot me help you . " " Noire Damn , Paris , " sneered red jerkin , as the next design was submitted . " No invention ! Antwerp . York .
No better ! Troyes , Malines , St . Gudulo Brussels , St . Denis , Mayeuce , Trior , " wore aggravatingly snapped ont successively , with cruelly accompanying sneers , such as " No conception of design , " " No creative genius "until poor maddened Adelbert flung down the rod at his companion's feet with the frantic communication , "Tho devil take the thing . " As the staff fell from fcho'prentice
hand of tho despairing boy , the death s-head top fell off , nnd disclosed that the rod was but a hollow tube , from whicli tho little man in rod , picking up the stick , drew forth a parchment roll , thc which he proceeded to unfold . " A mere matter of form , " said he , as coolly pricking the youth's hand with the sharp point of the ferule ho caused the blood to flow freely . " A more matter of form , " ho
repeated , as he dipped a pen , which bo produced from beneath Ids doublet , in the ruby stream , and present cd it to Adelbert— " You sign here , " he cheerfully said , "just where the pencil mark is made . You put your finger on this spot , where you see a dab of red sealing wax , and yon says , says yon , ' 1 deliver this as my act and deed , says you' —a mere niatterof form , I tlo assure
you . " The bewildered boy hastily made his mark—our entered apprentices of those days were not completely cnlligruphicnlly instructed ; you see , Hoard Schools had not then been invented—and went through the cabalistic ceremony indicated to him ; then his new friend , hastily concealing tho executed document somewhere about his person , screwed the death's headon to tho stick again ,
placed it between Adelbert ' s nervous lingers , and bade him try his luck once more . Luck ! Beneath that point ; upon that cold white shingle , grew in lino nnd tracery , and pinnacle and crocket ling , and fan work and stalactite ceiling , and stupendously lofty and intricate columnar group ! ' gaud wagon roofing , and oriel antl wheel nnd rose windowing ,
nave and transept , and choir and chancel , and aisle antl chapter house , and auxiliary chapels , and involved wood screens , and earth-encroaching towers and firmamentpiercing spires , and heavenly galleries and earthly cloisters , and lace-resembling arches and airy clerestories , the like of which mortal man had never seen before , lhe like of which mortal man will probably never see again , but the like of which any mortal man can sec
now in all its splendour , in all its delicate beauty , m nil its massive towering impressiveness , by spending an insignificant number of shillings on a Cooke's excursion ticket to Cologne on the Rhino . Adelbert worked out and sent in his design for the proposed cathedral , and it is needless to say that it was readily accepted , ami so was he , as the suitor of Grctchon , by hor father and his muster—Hans tho Mas'r . His wedding day would have been unclouded , but for tho
The Builder's Bargain.
presence of an inconvenient individual who would appear ) dressed all in red , who would smoke a china pipe that smelt of sulphur , and who would awkwardly tuck up his legs under him when ho sat down . Pretty Bertha , one of the housemaids , who , as a waitress , attended tho wedding feast , crossed herself piously when she narrated how she had peeped under this peculiar guest ' s stool and seen
ferated Adelbert . " " No , you musn't d the English law , " said the other , " or else I shall not be able to explain what I mean . Well , our uncivilized cousins , the English , have a ceremonial legal observance which they call ' giving a boud , ' aud that bond has a condition attached to it called ' a defcazance , ' that is to
that his feet wore " divided in the hoof , as may be read of in Holy Writ . The happy pair were departing for their honeymoon in a shower of rice and slippers , when the diminutive man in rod drew tho nervous bridegroom aside and craved his attention for a moment , so as to obviate possible future misunderstanding . " Just as a little matter of business , " the red one observed . " In that barbaric system the English law " "Oh , d the English law , "
vocisay , that snch aud such things shall happen as a return for the consideration expressed in the document . I should be sorry for you to go away on your wedding trip in ignorance of your legal liabilities , so I merely seize the present auspicious opportunity of informing you—its a mere trifle—that the architect who obtains thc kudos of designing Cologne Cathedral , and every succeeding
artist who continues tho construction , will die au early and a violent death . What may become of your successors after this world thus abruptly closes upon thorn is not given mc to know , but ns for you—I shall shortly have to talk to you , and settle with you—down there !" and he pointed grinningly to thc pavement in front of Hans the Mas ' r ' s house—" and . inst remember—its a mere
matter of form , yon know—that you or your successors will require a crane , as soon as you , or tbey , can place a roof , to raise jour stonework and materials for tho construction of the towers . Well , that crane must never be removed . On tho day that it is displaced destruction will come upon tho federal city . Oh , its of no consequence—merely a matter of form . GOOD-Byo ! Bless
you I" Somebody near adding " GOD bless you ! " tho man in red was taken with convulsions , and disappeared in the sulphurous smoko of his huge pipe . The foundation-stone of tho now church was laid in great state and with full masonic ceremonies by the Elector of the Holy Roman Empire , assisted by the Cardinal Archbishop , tho Princes of the Empire , the
Burgomaster , aud the echovins . Thoarchitectpresented his j dans , had them duly returned to him with profusely complimentary expressions , and injunctions to seo them faithfully carried out , and a patent of nobility to boot , and—walking round that evening complacently to view tbe excavations in progress for the outer walls —foil into a pit nnd broke his neck , and was drowned
as well , and so left his proud Grctchon a disconsolate widow . At the Coroner's inquest * that was held upon his remains , it was testified upon oath that the last person seen with the regretted deceased while alive , was a diminutive individual iu scarlet doublet and hose , wearing a cock ' s red feather in a carmine-coloured bonnet , and smoking a large china pipe , the odour from
which smelt strongly of sulphur . His successor , Franz Midler , tried tho effect of tho appearance of the rising walls from a punt on tho Rhine , which , capsizing , tho artist was converted into ichthylogicnl tissue ; and Rhenish salmon , I know , and Rhenish eels , I nm informed , make very good eating indeed .
Max Biillen swore to complete thc edifice , but differing in opinion lrom the baronial proprietor of Marxlierg , was one day seized aud hanged from the turrets of that funnily perehed-up fortalice . His successor , Luigi Franconi , anItalian , was convicted of embezzling the funds of the Cathedral chapter , and also bade adieu to an unapprcciativc world mts . pe ,-, cut .
It would be very wearisome to go through tho list of the Franzes and Muxes and Hanses and Pctorkins who attempted the consummation of poor Adalbert ' s work . Each one either walked over the roof anil fell in n pulpy architectural mass on the Hags of tho platz below , or trotted blindly into tho Rhino , or was quietly poisoned by a rival artist , or got hanged or beheaded ,
or came to some other untimely end . As for the crane , nobody ever dared to touch that . From tho time it was raised on the roof of the nave it dominated tho districts of tho city . In 1412 tho contractors thought tho edifice so far advanced that the unsightly excrescence might bo conveniently removed . Tho operation was effected , and lo ! a fearsome and unparalleled tempest and whirlwind
devastated tho town . Meekly and reverently the burghers restored thc palladium . In 1561 a heretical and sceptical generation dethroned itagain , anil , behold , the pestilence came and smote the inhabitants by their thousands . In 1025 a sneering burgomaster hauled it over the then bnt partially completed parapet , and anon Wallonstein ' s
freo riders ravaged tbe ancient city . In liv-l the principles of revolutionary France so leavened tho on-coming youngsters of the old German society that tho party of progress wero emboldened to again displace th " apparatus , but old Father Rhino arose in his wrath null revenged tho desecration by an inundation which—"
"Aachen!—Aachen ! " Why does my rubioso companion shout " Aachen " , ? Wo are at Cologne , not at Aix-la-Chapelle .