Lucy Matilda Jane.

Kitty her teeth , Henrietta her hands , Laura her eyes , and Lucy Matilda Jane her en-bon-point . " "Ah , " he would add , moralizingly , " what a blessing , my friend , is a good wife , —one who talks for you and every one else ; one who arranges for you and every

one else ; one who manages for you and every one else ; one who spends your money for you and leaves you nothing to do , but to give her a cheque when she wants one .

" It ts a great help to a husband to find a wife who has a will of her own—a good , steady , resolute woman , who knows what is what , and is not to be ' put upon' b y any one . " There is only one point on which her and I don ' t quite agree ; for as I always

give her 'her head , ' and prefer a ' snaffle' to a ' curb , ' as my old friend Hartingfcon expressed himself , as she always has her own way , she and I get on admirably together . " I do not approve of the way in which

she and my daughters decide everything without any reference to me , about the young gentlemen who come to my house . The consequence is , Tomlinson , that these girls are all going positively , in my opinion , to throw themselves away . They have got some nonsense into their heads about ' compatibility of tempers' and ' similarity of tastes . ' I think they pick such ideas out of

the German novels ; just as if matrimony was not a matter of family arrangement and material consideration . They will all have fortunes , as the world goes ; but they are so perverse that , though I talk to them of marrying for position and wealth , they

positively , Tomlinson , tell me that I am mean and mercenary . Maria is devoted to a young man who plays on the flute , and has only M < J 0 a year . Kitty is full of a young professor , with long hair and dirty nails , and a flemish account at his

bankers ; but who talks g libly of the ' natural law of relation . ' Henrietta is devoted to a rising young solicitor , who spouts law until I am sick of it ; Laura is devoted to the curate of St . Walker-Without while Lucy Matilda Jane

; , my ' youngest andmy fairest , ' thinks of nothing hut the army and a penniless lieutenant in a marching regiment . " It is in vain for me to interfere ; they all equally resent my remarks , and

repudiate my authority ; and that minx , Lucy Matilda Jane , told me the other clay that she considered money ' dross , ' and ' affection' everything , and then she sung out , as if to clinch the matter .

'Oh , theres nothing half so sweet m life As Love ' s young dream . ' " I gulped clown iny grief and my disgust , Tomlinson , in a full glass of some very fine old Madeira , which has been twice round the Cape , and has not a touch of

acidity in it ; and when I spoke to my wife , that best and most sensible of women , on any other subject , I got no help and no satisfactory reply ; indeed , in my opinion , I only obtained a most unbecoming answer . 'Girls will be girls ; ' 'girls and

young men will go together ; ' ' like will follow like ; ' ' where tastes agree , it ' s half the battle . ' " If I still remonstrate at the perversity of youth , on the tendency to hasty matrimony , all the consolation I receive is ,

' You had much better mind your own business , Wapshott , and leave the girls alone . ' Now . do you think , Tomlinson , that this is a becoming response to me 1 the head of the family , from the piartner of my joys and woes , my happiness and income ( of which , by the way , she spends more than her share ) . "

All I could reply was , as the one-eyed bagman says in " Pickwick , '' and it is a great and certain truth , " Women is queer critturs , " Wapshott . " Yes , Tomlinson , so they are , " replied Wapshott , decidedly , as if this truism had

for the first time deeply struck him . " I spoke to Mrs . Wapshott confidentially the other night , to use a French expression , ' en bonnet de nuit , ' and tried to get her to see things as I did . But all I could get her to say was , that I was once young

myself ; that ' young men would admire young women ; ' that ' courting was a necessity ; ' and that 'for her part she had always been an advocate for matrimony ;' and when I murmured something about their being too young to marry , she actually

told me , her husband of many years , that she was ' entirely in favour of marriages of affection , ' and ' that it would be a very bad world if there were nothing but old fogies , or old bachelors and old maids in it , ' and after that she went to sleep , Since then I have given up the contest , and only shrug my shoulders , and endure as calmly K 2