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Article THE LAMP-POST. ← Page 2 of 3 →
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The Lamp-Post.
have met with a heartier welcome ; could not have had praises , thanksgivings , eulogies more flattering to his self-esteem , more honourable to the obliged and the obliging . Number One acquiesced with a cordial grip—Number Two thwacked liim on the shoulder , and vowed to swear for ever by him ; Number Three was in a flutter of gratitude ; Number Four pointed to his broken shin with a look of re-assured hope '; ancl
Number Eight , with a half-suppressed shudder at the pigs , dropt at least two tears of thankful emotion . In fact , from Number One to Number Twelve , nothing was to be heard but the praises of Number Seven . Thus far , all was happiness and self-congratulation ! Would that the medal had no reverse ! Number Seven had , indeed , escaped the burst of indignation which hath a thousand times overwhelmed the
innovator in his first rash advances ; but he was to take his place with the Columbuses in after suffering . The expences of the lamp-post , lamp , and lighting , were duly calculated ; and no less minutely divided into thirteen parts . The whole
transaction had been effected by Number Seven with the most scrupulous economy ; and , as it happens with even greater benefits than a lamp and a lamp-post , when the sum to be borne by each party was arithmetically proved , it caused a general wonder , sent one thrill of amazement , mixed with a touch of shame , throughout'the whole row , to think how so much darkness might be dissipated at so little expence . Alas !
we now approach the fatal point of our history . The lamp , in the imagination of the subscribers , was scarcely lighted , ere the poisonous breath of ' envy blew it out . Then commenced the war of words , the bitter taunt , the false attack , the uncharitable interpretation : there was but one cry from Number One to Number Thirteen , ancl that was—Guerre ii la lanterne ! And why ? asks the reader—wherefore this turmoil ? Why such hatred , envy , and uncharitableness about a lamp-post ? We will
answer . We have said , every thing was prepared for the reception of the new light—when the question arose touching the place where that light should burn . Number Four had lately lost his knocker , and wished the lamp-post before his door as the best protection from thieves . Number Five , a very pious person , with the largest prayer-book in the
parish congregation , loudly complained of this injustice ; the proper place for the lamp was immediately before her parlour-window ; and for thieves , Number Four should put his trust in a good conscience and buy a pair of p istols . Number Nine lifted up her eyes , ancl wondered at people ' s impudence : she , even on the score of character and morals , had the clearest rig ht to the lamp , as she could then best detect the suspected visits of the journeyman-baker to her maid-servant . Now raged the war , Twelve Numbers claiming a distinct right to the benefit
Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software.
The Lamp-Post.
have met with a heartier welcome ; could not have had praises , thanksgivings , eulogies more flattering to his self-esteem , more honourable to the obliged and the obliging . Number One acquiesced with a cordial grip—Number Two thwacked liim on the shoulder , and vowed to swear for ever by him ; Number Three was in a flutter of gratitude ; Number Four pointed to his broken shin with a look of re-assured hope '; ancl
Number Eight , with a half-suppressed shudder at the pigs , dropt at least two tears of thankful emotion . In fact , from Number One to Number Twelve , nothing was to be heard but the praises of Number Seven . Thus far , all was happiness and self-congratulation ! Would that the medal had no reverse ! Number Seven had , indeed , escaped the burst of indignation which hath a thousand times overwhelmed the
innovator in his first rash advances ; but he was to take his place with the Columbuses in after suffering . The expences of the lamp-post , lamp , and lighting , were duly calculated ; and no less minutely divided into thirteen parts . The whole
transaction had been effected by Number Seven with the most scrupulous economy ; and , as it happens with even greater benefits than a lamp and a lamp-post , when the sum to be borne by each party was arithmetically proved , it caused a general wonder , sent one thrill of amazement , mixed with a touch of shame , throughout'the whole row , to think how so much darkness might be dissipated at so little expence . Alas !
we now approach the fatal point of our history . The lamp , in the imagination of the subscribers , was scarcely lighted , ere the poisonous breath of ' envy blew it out . Then commenced the war of words , the bitter taunt , the false attack , the uncharitable interpretation : there was but one cry from Number One to Number Thirteen , ancl that was—Guerre ii la lanterne ! And why ? asks the reader—wherefore this turmoil ? Why such hatred , envy , and uncharitableness about a lamp-post ? We will
answer . We have said , every thing was prepared for the reception of the new light—when the question arose touching the place where that light should burn . Number Four had lately lost his knocker , and wished the lamp-post before his door as the best protection from thieves . Number Five , a very pious person , with the largest prayer-book in the
parish congregation , loudly complained of this injustice ; the proper place for the lamp was immediately before her parlour-window ; and for thieves , Number Four should put his trust in a good conscience and buy a pair of p istols . Number Nine lifted up her eyes , ancl wondered at people ' s impudence : she , even on the score of character and morals , had the clearest rig ht to the lamp , as she could then best detect the suspected visits of the journeyman-baker to her maid-servant . Now raged the war , Twelve Numbers claiming a distinct right to the benefit