Lucy Matilda Jane.

" I thought that Mrs , Mulgrubber would have jumped off her chair at such a speech in such a voice ; but no , she quietly asked for a glass of sherry ( my best brown j , and composed herself with ' gusto' to her ' potage it la Heine . ' " I am bound to confess to you

, my friend , as you well know , that that dinner was not a lively one , for everybody was apparently dissatisfied with his and her neighbour , and was glum and silent . " I began to wish sincerely that I had not interfered with Mrs . Wapshott ' s

arrangements , as up to that evening our dinners had always been ' the thing' in all respects . But you remember the scene and the party . " And here Mr . Wapshott seemed to finish his story , as if he had said all .

I did indeed remember i ^ , and what an ass Wapshott had made of himself , and what- a " fiasco " of a superb dinner . He spoiled my appetite at his festive board ; he prevented me becoming a member of his genial family . Up to that evening I got on admirabl

y with Lucy Matilda Jane , but she was now downright savage . She kept watching her lieutenant and Laura , and answered me in monosyllables . I tried chaff , sentiment , poetry , the belles lettres , music , and the dramaall in vain . Everybod ' s

fol-, yeyes lowed everybody else ' s movements . " Oh , you ommadhown , " I remember saying to my host ( to myself ) , " my chance is gone , 'je sttis plants la . ' How could you be so great a gander as to interfere with Mrs . Wapshott V

It was quite clear to me by this time that the girls were simply furious , and meant business , and meant mischief All the while Mrs . Wapshott sat serenel y smiling , but throwing in a word of pity for the suffering victims .

Old Wapshott completely collapsed , and when the ladies retired in their silks and satins , the gentlemen had a bad time of it , I assure you , as everyone was put out , and when at last we got to the drawing-room and coffee , it was too clear to me that

"l'hettre du Berger' had arrived . Indeed , Wapshott ' s sage interference had onl y expedited the denouement . The five despondent swains were soon by the side of their sympathising " damozels , " and stayed b y their sides the whole evening , def ying Pere Wapshottand everybod y else .

Lucy Matilda Jane and her lieutenant actually got together in a corner by themselves , and he talked to her , and she knitted all the evening , and their conversation was low and confidential , such as engaged young ladies rejoice in with engaged young men . The other four heroes

seemed equally well employed , and thenfair companions equally well contented . I never passed a less jjleasant evening , and left the house savage with the world , and with Lucy Matilda Jane , with her lieutenant , with myself , and , above all ,

with that dreadful goose , old Wapshott . Will it surprise my readers to be told that the upshot of Mr . Wapshott ' s skilful interference was that all the five Misses Wapshotts were married to their five young men the same day ? In vain did poor Wapshott talk of

reflection ; idly did he advocate delay ; uselessly did he talk of " haste " and " expense , " and the like . Mrs . Wapshott said to him , with all the dignity of a Eoman matron , " No , Mr . Wapshott , you would arrange the dinner , and I will manage the wedding !" —and manage it she did with a vengeance .

They were all wedded amid a profusion of orange blossoms and bridesmaids and groomsmen , as never was before witnessed , and never will be witnessed again . St . Ambrose Square still rings of it to this very hour .

Such a wedding breakfast I never before or since attended ; such a cake I never before or since have seen ; such speeches I never before or since have heard . The only unhappy person was old Wapshott , whom nothing could apparently console .

Mrs . Wapshott was , on the contrary , all smiles and cerise and point lace , most hearty and benign . Poor old Wapshott ! What a lesson for him , and to all married men mad enough to interfere with their wives' arrangements ,

and especially in " affaires du cceur . " Would you believe it ? That gipsy Lucy Matilda Jane has lately written to me to ask me to become godfather to her " premier ne , " as nothing , she said , would give Philip and her greater pleasureand that

, she proposed to call the imp Philip Theo , for , as she added , Theophilus , dear Mr . Tomlinson , is too long . What could I say 1 What co . dd I do !