Killed By The Natives.

oyster-eating—uses it as an altitude of value only . She is as severely critical over her marine dainty as Csesar was said to be over the reputation of his spouse . What more powerful illustration can I afford than this ? This severe connoisseur has never in her oyster-eating life , I do believe , experienced , for even the space of one second , the agonising perplexity of the epicure—the spasm of doubt over the mollusc , the flavour of which was open . to the most delicate hint in the world of a suspicion of an absence of

freshness , and yet was of a gdut too exquisite whoUy to reject ! However , when I come to reflect upon the accusation that -1 desiderate these delicacies now they are about four a shilling , while I cared nought for them when I could buy as many for a penny , I think the good lady is very nearly right . I plead guilty , and throw myself upon the mercy of the court . Certain it is that I do enjoy a dozen occasionallyancl it was while indulging in this—by no means modestnowadays ,

, , alas!—refection , the other clay , that the adventure befell me and I heard the " o ' er true , tale , " which I am now about to relate : ¦ . Did you ever peruse Mat Prior ' s ballad of " The Thief ancl Cordelier ? " Of course you have , because you are a highly-educated , refined , intelligent , ancl accomp lished-reader , or you would not have , got so far with my discursive lucubrations : You are well versed in the literatureandmore especiallythe lyrical literatureof your

, , , , country—you are ! There is a quotation from that song more" frequently employed than perhaps any other couplet hi the language , and yet comparatively few who cite it can give its derivation . How many times , learned lector , have you , in your career , heard—nay , yourself trotted out—the illustration of the " Squire of the Pad and the Knight of the Post , "

who" now fitted the halter , now traversed the cart , And often took leave , but was loath to depart . " How often ? Spare your arithmetic . " Once and a million , " as Posthumous says . Well , there is another quotation from the same lyrical legend with which you , erudite but long-suffering peruser , may , not inaptly , at this stage of my exercitation , pelt me withal , —

" But my hearers cry out , ' What a deuce dost thou ail ? Gut off thy reflections and give us thy tale . '" Nay , then . Realise your position . I have securel y button-holed you . You cannot leave this promised narrative if you would . I have fixed you—you know I have —as the ' ancient mariner with his glittering eye held the bored , albeit resigned , wedding guest . Like liim" You cannot choose but hear . " You must even bear listening to the

, assurance that I have much to say to you yet before I can get to my tale . My tale ! " Story ! God bless you , I have none to tell , sir ! " and my mind misgives me that , after all , my narrative will be as vacuous as that of Canning ' s rather musty , * . needy knifegrinder . Nor are my doubts groundless—experlo creek—woe is me ! but before I can tell it to you I must , perforce , explain why I seek to tell it at all . ' I have to make you understand the weighty reasons which impel me to unburden my . mind in print , for alas !

as I have above implied , I have orally recited my wonderful narrative many times before . And every auditor has pronounced it not worth hearing ; not because it is incredible . The incredible ancl the insi pid are not always convertible terms—vide . " Gulliver ' s Travels , " "Baron Munchausen , " and "The Tremendous Adventures of Major Gahagan . " No ; my story is worthless . Lucus a non lucendo . You can't see the wood tor the trees . Like Dutch jmgsthat are so exceedingl lthat their ' meli

, y ugy very unco - ness constitutes then- beauty , this tale is so bald , jejune , unprofitable , moralless , and improbable—ye gods and little fishes , how improbable!—that its very combination of "ad qualities renders it a tradition worthy of immortal record—a legend the world , when it has it , will not , I am confident , willingly let die . Prince Hal apostrophised the supposed defunct carcase of his boon companion , the eminent commander I have above referred to , with the pathetic remark " that he could have better spared a better man . "